Suicide Prevention & Mental illness Awareness is something we as a society must now take responsibility for. This episode is a sobering look at what is available for those of us who struggle with mental health.
“Over 75% have developed mental illness by the age of 18”Bobby Temps
A face to face conversation with one of today’s, local mental health advocates who is making huge positive changes in the space. Delighted to welcome Bobby Temps, the host of the Podcast entitled: Mental – The Podcast to Destigmatise Mental Health on to Find Your Voice where I got to know the man himself. Always intrigued as to why people do what they do, I wanted to understand why Bobby does the work he does, for mental health and also to understand where these motivators came from.
This was an insightful and thought-provoking interview where we delved into many areas. We discussed the pressures society can place upon us. The pressures our parents can have on our own mental illness. Anxiety, Depression, Loneliness, Burnout and even body dysmorphia. All these can sometimes be very taboo like, and we often navigate around them, rather than discussing them But keen to not just be another Mental Health hashtag episode we promised ourselves and each other we would be 100% open and transparent.
Realising that we can all internalise things with a different perspective it is always a goal of mine personally to bring on as many people as possible even within the same bracket of adversity that they often highlight shaped their lives. This will in my hope, help you as listeners gain a different method, or perspective of coping and managing your own life.
The beautiful thing with this interview, and something I learned midway through it was that a petition has now been signed with over 196,000 signatures, as I write this to help
Some Key Time stamps:
[04:45] Destigmatise Mental Health / Mental illness
[08:40] Family pressures – Bobby
[15:50] Family pressures – Aren
[23:40] The statistics around Mental illness
[30:30] Positive affirmations around Body Dysmorphia
[39:15] Mental illness & Trauma you have experienced
[45:00] Fun part of the show
I urge you all to follow his journey:
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Links to me:
Links to Bobby:
Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/bobbytemps/
Some Mental recommendations:
Someone to talk to who really listens with someone always there to pick up the phone. They do not offer advise but a space to speak anonymously about what is on your mind and can signpost other organisations. There number is free and won’t show up on your phone bill.
If you are a student Nightline offers a similar services tailored for you and run by student volunteers – https://nightline.ac.uk
Bias warning- Bobby used to volunteer here!
There is no definitive route to finding the right service for you, so try googling for your local area. Remember you can always go in for a session and you don’t have to go back if you feel uncomfortable. The NHS also offers counselling but this is in part dependent on your personal situation and there is usually a waiting list.
The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy has a directory for support services on their website bacp.co.uk
Organisations with a wide range of services:
rethink.org – ‘We help millions of people affected by mental illness by challenging attitudes and lives with information and practical advice.’
mind.org.uk – ‘We’re Mind, the mental health charity. We’re here to make sure no one has to face a mental health problem alone.’
time-to-change.org.uk – ‘We are a growing movement of people changing how we all think and act about mental health problems.’
Services relating to topics we cover
Since starting this petition, we have received support from politicians across the political spectrum and it has reached over 195,000 signatures. Plus the Department of Education, Ofsted and the Welsh Assembly are already working to make these changes a reality.
When working to reduce stigma, I am continually concerned how a lack of education around mental health is contributing factor. This is something regularly raised as a mutual concern by guests on my mental health podcast plus several of them are actively working to fill this need by doing talks and workshops in schools. With one in four of us experiencing mental illness every year according to the charity Mind, this seems to be a real and very significant gap in our education system.
Key statistics about mental illness:
– One in ten children aged between 5 and 16 years has been diagnosed with/shows signs of a mental health problem, and many continue to have these problems into adulthood. (1)
– Over half of all mental ill health starts before the age of 14 years, and 75% of this has developed by the age of 18. (2)
– NHS England estimates that poor mental health costs the NHS and society £105 billion a year in England alone. (3)
The statistics are shocking, yet whilst there is a whole subject in the curriculum around our physical health in the form of PE, our young people are left without any knowledge of even the most common mental illnesses.
Not only does this leave them unprepared and vulnerable when it comes to looking out for their own mental health, but also sets the standard that Mental Health is not discussed. This plants a seed of stigma that many carry for their whole lives.
Time to make a change
Upon further research, there generally seems very little in the way of guidelines currently. For example, if Romeo and Juliet is studied as part of the curriculum when the two title characters kill themselves, this is considered the end of the story or worse romanticised as an ideal form of love. The very serious topic of suicide is frequently not even mentioned as part of schooling, and yet according to the BBC, suicide is the biggest killer of men under the age of 49.
It’s time to make a change. Even if a law was passed so every child receives one class about mental health during their time at school, this would be more than the vast majority currently get. We are keen to hear back from those in power on a more extensive plan to better the lives of our nation’s young people.
- Mental Health education becoming mandatory teaching for all schools in the UK without the addition of any exams or homework on this subject.
– Every child having the ability to access a qualified counsellor through their school. This is something that many workplaces already offer.
– Every school offering Mental Health training for its staff.
For information regarding your data privacy, visit Acast.com/privacy
in a way (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) my second essay found to say that like all this pain that I’m coming through now I can’t get my head around this is one way that I can take a moment to my taste to imagine an end to this and this actually (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) that would sound similar a massive difference between now so this is someone maybe with the same feelings and motivations behind it but instead it’s planning to take their own life and the response should be varied accordingly I don’t know whether it’s quite a big ask but that doesn’t have to be something you take on a lot welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu okay so I would like to welcome Bobby on Tuesday’s episode of find your voice but we have to do today I’m good the contest it was great to have you here so you had a great conversation offline and I’m interested asking quite a few facets of your life now the more I got to know you so depression is part of your story we also mentioned something very interesting about body dysmorphia is also remind me later on that we have got to get into that as well but just for the benefit of the listeners what would you just tell us a bit about yourself in terms of the things that you do today maybe when depression first came in your life as well and also the actual part because that you do as well so I do encourage people to listen to my podcast to jump over there because of some fantastic interviews incredible but myself at least I hope you’re not and that we should hopefully be on there as well so it over to you sure say yep I’m Paul B. toms and I run a podcast called mental and like the name might imply we’re all about to stigmatizing mental health trying to take even down to the words we use with a particular about (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) and they still came from my own experience of living with mental illness for as long as I can remember really I had symptoms (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) growing up it was something I struggle with something I had no idea what was going on I thought that it was normal that and young kids struggle to get out of bed some days or have you know a system drag that they just can’t explain it times it doesn’t seem to relate to anything you just fail scat (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) now I know that that was depression but at the time it was something that I had no idea about but I glanced through the way adults around me behaved that you should hide these feelings and that everyone was more comfortable with you if you pretended everything was a castle yeah you know you were happy when you’re meant to be happy (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) yes side when the adults team ever grow and so in that way it sort of not truly glad to meet you to build up the mask that a lot of people with mental illness house and I became very good at faking my emotions and created a lot of distance with my family the years later I’m now trying to rebuild because he was a part of me that they did already knock centricity said that so far leading off me the wife of a conversation today about the mosque that sometimes people aren’t I’m also estimate those around us feel comfortable because if we start changing (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) we start displaying areas of our life that they’re not comfortable with or Houston they feel uncomfortable so what you have to be done is to keep them comfortable you made this awful comfortable around what kind of age where you’re experiencing this and when you said initially you didn’t recognize it was mental illness what kind of age was you able to say actually this is a condition this isn’t just me and every other child is experiencing this (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) teenager (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) yeah few questions that I will the first thing I wanted to mention that it’s you mentioned about the time until the owners we already particular like I mentioned with language because at times when you start looking for at you can see that the stigma really informs how people talk about mental health and I do a lot of campaigning for mental health education in schools and it’s it’s going well talk about that more like taxes and without you know writes up to head like senior government officials are writing legislation that excludes times like mental illness because not stigmatize more mental health sounds friendly (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) mental wellbeing sounds even faker and more friendly and say they can be a tendency to avoid certain times but that doesn’t D. segment some say the key that raise mental illnesses a range of illnesses we experience or like more predominate mind where is mental health is a spectrum of health that just relates to a mind as opposed to physical health I’m sorry at times because of the stigma people can use the wrong one and I’ve even had dot on the podcast with mental health professional of course what I’ll talk about (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) and I saw a lot of people through my work being discriminated against for the mental health no you want discriminating because they were healthy you were discriminating because of L. subsidy that makes sense okay this is probably just an awareness issue that so you don’t know what you don’t know shop I think that makes a lot more sense in terms of your mission so your mission and to distinguish to how explained the explain the podcast show that yeah because we’re quite hot cool with that there’s a lot of focus to tackle mental health but we require that we use all the statistics so not really came from saying Alderdice informational that saying how people like myself I have no idea about mental illness growing up you know that’s what informs my campaigning it’s a way to transaction costs the next generation so that they don’t live a life of mental illness well I have no idea what’s going on now for no way to to be proactive and deal with (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) I know that that didn’t help me I’m sorry I want teachers generations to be equipped with the knowledge to least recognize symptoms and no way to get support I need to find your voice our install (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) I was jumping around of course tend to do that off so you too hard I had yes so that’s my fault because I I have it in my head toward us one question in order I need to ask him that but I need to asking that so just very quickly segue backwards to you said at one point he wasn’t sure what it was he was short it was depression I just thought that every child has these kind of moments when was that realization actually this was something that needed looking up a bit more right that’s that’s very true I often describe us growing up is an experience of figuring out what is a huge thing on this and everything everyone thank (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) and so it’s not something that it took me getting a little less to realize how bad things were so high in part to to my family background (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) being Irish there was a lot of pressure academically (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) me having dyslexia it was quite incompatible with my own expectations that might my parents have a supportive on the dyslexia front but they will say really expected hi hi chief my meanwhile I was just happy that I learned how to read you know because it was for most of my primary and secondary school I was half the reading age of mine yes and so I went from that to them getting ready good simple and that being a higher rating so for me that was the chief that was the main struggle and beyond that I was quite happy to to pass things but yeah there was this family pressure any Brady intensified around you know fasting I had no plans to go I already had a joke from one of the sixteen working part time I had already started the business and so I very much time to just keep working and so will this kind of narrative around you go to you name your cat chilled just with me (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) and I saw a lot of people going out for you dot I could say it made sense for them but for me it felt like I would have been set up to fail dial is excelling in the working world yeah and I was already finding that I could relate to people more of what then I could at six all you know that was my mindset and I come from a really hard working family so you the environment is very comfortable for me where is education wasn’t so me going to you know who was was scary was something I never wanted didn’t really think was going to be expected of me until it came to the end of the copier that I hadn’t because I applied for you need like everyone does it was a class in a timetable I’m sorry that it was counting down the months until and my parents would just wait for me hi they like to sit in the kitchen and I come back from shifting so we’ll certainly be then just trying to rehash the same conversation and try to pressure me over and over again that Chile it got to a point where I just came into the it didn’t feel like I had any other choice and then you fast forward to me being dropped off thank you universe today which growing up in Birmingham feels like the middle of nowhere yeah and and you know you literally to give you an idea how much you invest he was on the plan I was going down the list of ones I could get into with my grades (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) I applied phosphorus with a plan for buying (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) you know what you know I I was just going through the alphabet on sorry ended up what was ultimately around them you know okay and how the cool stuff I thought seemed interesting I do not she remember the course will you know that could also be part of the depression the dot has definitely been a factor in me struggling to remember a lot of difficult times and so as things got Wes Saint university I became more more withdrawal more more isolated my sleep cycle was completely off like living like a bot (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) and other than you know a few people have an idea what was going on for the most part I would just love to that wasn’t ready any Univest intervention when I was missing classes even when I went to my GP test to say look I’m not coping with us there was no answer they just kind of looked at me blankly yeah and meanwhile I felt that I had to convince my parents to let me leave that with without that blessing I would just go back to the (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) the potentially pressured back out the door and so that was incredibly difficult trying to have a narrative around mental health something we’ve never really talked about and you know not wanting to worry them it’ll say they kind of needed to be worried analytical Scott how hot I was getting I know you know I look back at photos of myself that night I hardly recognize myself and I eat you know your dog really still have contact with anyone I knew that I think even now I struggle to believe that anyone could have thought she’d be my friend because I don’t think I was myself it’ll says occur quite traumatic experience virtually I’ve been on is so similar to yourself in terms of having say in society for example price university I was able to kind of mask more time at university with a lot of alcohol love hi Ian and not suffer the kind of faded I was looking at my best mate with me as well and I knew few people from back home so I had a bit of a comfort blanket around me but hearing you say that and I’ve been knowing myself prior to going into the second almost see that I could have potentially had a similar output so I explained to you (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) quite introverted very very shy I’m going to university was a lasting I’ve wanted to do I want to become a boxer boxing was my dream might speak to a box of those picked up by some great coaches select nope no chance you’re going to university and it’s funny because and I’m sure it’s the same with your parents that they did everything in your best interest thinking and what they knew at that point right but obviously they didn’t have the full picture in the context of a cheat what you’re going through and you know we can look back in hindsight I would understand it probably wasn’t the best move in terms of sending used invested right what’s your feelings towards I’m sure you’ve got no feelings or anything I D. mostly (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) I never ready go appropriate knowledge mun of what they did hi you know it’s not something I’m still working on as we did we have a lot more of a dialogue around mental health now and they Freddie come round like what I do in terms of the podcast and nothing campaigning what I’m but when we talk about it they always focus on well we got you out of that money so there’s more of a kind of save in our eyes to the idols taking a position I was put in to buy them (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) but no at the end of the day I’m still in the dole and I still you know I had options but the option was more likely move out and I wasn’t in the financial position to just open the homeowner and I don’t think I was ready mentally ready for the I’d like lived away from home quite a little but I think that would if that was terrifying because it felt finally it felt like I would have to cut them off and sort of almost hide from them until after September cost here and so that wasn’t really an an option in my mind but the problem was we were kind of speaking different languages of course so they were using a lot of the kind of generic perspective see talk about you know you’re broadening your horizons how do you know if you want like something if you don’t try death and I you know I could talk to the (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) dance I just I don’t think I’d like skydiving yeah I’m not I’m not trying to I didn’t think I’d like to do with that slamming my foot in the door like I have enough context cues or being in education for most of my waking life to know who that is I’m probably good I don’t really want anymore yeah (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) but we yeah we we speaking different languages and speaking with a different generational context as well I think we spoke on a a my pin on your podcast about Iran but bring in being quite similar in terms of from your kid out of conflict in Asia from you saying your backgrounds arches well and there is a tendency as well to try to choose the right way separate almost conform to what is expected of you if that makes sense so I I had the same kind of precious and sometimes even though it could be a lot less so (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) he’s almost been obliged to kind of just go with it I found a lot of my life doing things because I thought it would make them happy or not I’ve said to the point where I have to leave home or something for example if that makes sense I mean it was never that serious and a fellow that’s a pressure that I’m not sure how is into the coaches (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) minority group so which argument she recorded but I think that’s something that I can definitely relate with it’s something that’s very apparent and it’s something I’m trying to move away from so for my younger siblings after the collapse of the words that we say because sometimes you might say something and then that one sentence could almost pressurizer listened into thinking they need to go and get a degree because they’re older brothers got to grieve for example yeah hopefully medicines and I definitely and I think naively when I was younger I believe type scattered around a lot of thought that out of sight it’s just me and my sister (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) and she’s a lot market (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) and she does not to sex yeah she’s (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) she was that I guess conforming one of the two of us and I was the one that we’re about I’m sorry there was so many things that I just did my own way I sort of thought I was immune to the family pressure but I still feel it now but I still actively choose what parts of it to conform to and so I think that might be easier but the difference was you know fast today was an apostle and you helped right so not knowing what you know now Justin came from Melissa’s perspective because it’s probably the same part of the story that they can resonate with what gets you through it NASA for example if you’re pointing a university type environment so complete different context it could be a job for example or project but you had kind of thought that feeling coming on against the UK maybe when you’re at university what kind of things do you do they’ve been a daily basis so you would do in that moment T. just kind of get you through it like do you have coping mechanisms you have any tools or routines that you can maybe get the business right Sir it’s a lot of it is very opposite to what I described being an investor okay sorry that a lot of the behaviors I had felt safe but what she a sign of me not coping tool you know I felt safest to isolate myself and trying to figure everything out of my hand and I think that is more commonly a male approach as well that we can house and when all tool house to a modes as much as women on and say Hey come be like oh these I can’t handle these emotions I’ve just got to kind of like collect stumble I’m trying to solve them on my own yeah (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) and then I’ll find a way to to put them on that and so very much the opposite to not so nowadays when I know I’m getting back to even yeah I guess it’s two fold so when I know I’m getting nods I’m a lot more likely to reach out to people you know whether that was just like talking things through with friends without getting to see my counselor more often this approach as I have in place and I have a support network because that was the other thing with Tina fasting I you know I gave up my job to kind I scaled back the business that I was running and so so much of my ecosystem of support I was just completely geographically cutoff from and so now it’s famous you T. come ready great friends and my family you know how to support me a lot I’m sorry dialogue is possible but it still takes maintenance and this thing’s day today however I try to walk on by being active I guess who walks all the time (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) you know listen to okay I’m I’m happy I love lacking very much got up from my parents but there’s ways in which I can find self kat awak together you know okay for walk on this into a podcast to reset (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) and I find that activity ready helpful and and just over time you get better at recognizing right here I’m what you need today just a little of that don’t ask a question a Sabrina the spot here (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) and it’s just again this quote for conversation that me and the wife rushed you having this morning we were driving so much that your pre interview which is awesome (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) on a podcast she will come because she’s a side note I want to be on that one day hopefully (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) so one of the things that I wish I had the answer to that I really want to kind of I would do anything if I knew that it would give me the answer is when people are at the end of what they believed to be at the end with the have no with options IT service articles I believe sometimes a bit too far in terms of telling that person okay now you need to start loving yourself we need you gratitude so we were just having this brainwave rely will be almost each year preventative things or things initially to kind of build resilience so that if that moment strikes you can then hopefully have the tool kit that I mean have you ever thought about that in terms of so the reason I ask this question the answer is yes the reason I ask is because people reach out to me now after this into the show and they’ll say stuff along those lines I don’t know what to say I don’t know the right things also imposed in two organizations and stuff an officer over to say something because I don’t want to take the responsibility but at the same time we’re giving the right answer so when you’re at that stage of it what we recommend (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) what would you recommend saying I’m I’m I’m gonna pick up two of the things that say fast self intensive prevention that’s so so important I am and not very much at the core of what I do with the podcast and also the campaign so with that campaign that’s a petition (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) that we’ve got nearly two hundred thousand people to sign now and including all the support from MPs another change makers islands from September this year mental health education will be mandatory in all schools in England why don’t I’m sorry that’s the the main thing for me is education which saying it now the sons of an ironic given how I speak about education in my own experience but you know this is really important by the time this is this is true our primary and secondary education so being integrated into right throughout that mental health is something that signal which because if that doesn’t happen eight it creates a seed of stigma that people realize (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) this is something we don’t talk about how is it we talk about condoms but we can’t even talk about this thing and does take my people carry with them a crisis reality that you cannot speak about this to be the subject itself perpetuates the stigma and it means that people like myself who needed the support yucca thank god it because they’ve got no idea what’s going on no idea what the support and no role models because is this FIA at times that I come up against some people like if you teach the stuff people get ideas come mentally ill because it will catch in their hands I’m in reality over seventy five percent of people have developed a mental illness by the age of eighteen so it’s not that it doesn’t existing younger people it said it’s not being recognized until later on this is a massive problem fat kids out that is struggling and not getting the support and like you’ve described could be getting a lot more could be getting a lot less when a lot of this could be prevented so that’s the first part the second part in terms of its Israeli difficult and I’m speaking from the point of view of having volunteers with Samaritan’s so I’ve been through the training I’m an expert on this but it it makes it a hell of a lot easier but it is never easy conversations I think for me one thing that’s messed along and I’m not even came up in an interview I did IT is to die is the levels of suicide out let’s say that so often because it’s a scary thing for us to deal with most people have no idea what to say and so the default compete to go to the west case scenario a lot of people are considering suicide in a very abstract way as a coping mechanism with mental illness that it’s in a way (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) my second essay found to say that like all this pain that I’m going through now I can’t get my head around this is one way that I can take a moment to my day to imagine an end to this and there’s actually a (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) that would sound similar a massive difference between not so this is someone who maybe with the same feelings and motivations behind it but instead it’s planning to take their own life and the response should be varied accordingly I don’t know whether it’s quite a big ask but that doesn’t have to be something you take on a lot you know I I recommend all the time people talk to Samaritans us pretty much what I do yeah and I’ve had it last I’ve taken calls that I need to be a family member or friends has picked up the fired and that a lot (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) here’s a situation I’m passing the phone dot dot is an option we don’t have to have all the answers but I think one thing we should all take responsibility for is at least trying to have the conversation yeah in fact to try and have any of the houses and actually first off listen got an idea of the level of suicidality connect with us and give them the chance to shop because K. one people at the very last the last thing you want is to cut off communication so criticized space for them to keep you updated on how and they will do so I’m from that you can then assess you know do they need a conversation the Samaritans do I need to give them a leaflet classes do I need to say okay let’s make it let’s get you to the church Hey hello thank you for sharing that first I want to acknowledge you for the amazing what you guys have done with a petition of subsidy fantastic that’s truly is making an impact treaty making the change so (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) thank you guys for doing that kind of C. for your answers at the end I think you’re right we should all take responsibility this is our society that we’ve created some consciously or unconsciously in some in some aspects and even if it is just that one and so that just Samaritans if it is just recommended a signpost of seriously H. that that’s neat you would’ve ever known so he wouldn’t get nasty stuff on scratching my head in the middle of the night and I’m searching for the best too so that’s something I recommend so thank you for that I’m gonna segue ever so slightly nicer because another part of the story I was really interested in and better to be subject (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) maybe for men and it’s about body dysmorphia so if you wouldn’t want to miss your struggles with that as well sure say that I am something I experienced quite parallel to the depression is definitely crossover in symptoms I’m but from a really young age I was very aware that I have to sort of fight for myself that I had different ambitions in life to those around me and touching my parents as well I’m so sorry I just was coming at life from a quite different perspectives you know I was a kid that you ask what you want to do in life and I have the list I was talking a lot about it use the thing yeah I’m you know it’s interesting looking back because now most of the people I know what what quick house several different jobs and professions and I’m not make sense to me so I think I was away from it really on the point that for the I have to be my own I’m fica I’m figure out certain things in order to survive I was very aware of my difference that I wasn’t up apple extended care and the the way things I was gonna have to overcome and that those around me what I’m going to understand that a lot of the time and one of those things was my perception of how it looks (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) did not deny that was I guess a sign of me fifty different elements of my difference that were real and the elements like body dysmorphia that one all the best way I can describe it as I sold myself for my psychopaths Picasso painting I look in the mirror and my face was overall yeah hi my name is this to you to pay closer to an hour my my eyes very slightly asymmetric but these things were mustn’t in my mind you know I just looked completely wrong and I remember you know a big school and looking at my family and and like these these people are normal okay like how to how did this happen right and you know how could anybody have a wanna be my friend at school one of my best when I’m so disgusting how could I have a you know grow up and get married one day like is is the kind of expectation and that continued for a long time as I tried to talk to that I I knew how much it was holding me back and that I have to think of the show yeah that I could change how I looked I was just gonna have to roll with that and I was gonna have a lot of things that I would need to deal with in my life (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) if I can change I just need to get this one out here and so I you know I really tried to do a lot of what I had gone in a positive affirmations on trying to find positive things about myself you find one positive yeah and see if I can find another and just raise chipotle until I started saying myself animals right away and it’s not something I’d I guess I’ve done as much work on now because at the time it felt like it was getting better and it was getting so bad actually instead it developed into an eating disorder so on the surface level I did really well that like increasing myself what not in the background I have to love I had a lot of unhealthy mechanisms that will kind of bearing down and getting most of the I’m an actually wasn’t until starting my put which was posted pression diagnosis but pre anorexia darkness it wasn’t until interviewing people with some experience that I realized I haven’t had that condition even has an eating disorder and a lot of thought I was talking about was the lack of education I’d never seen my house eating disorders I didn’t really think it was possible you know I thought maybe a few different normally I’d say that in eight dot took being tells quite deeply into the mental health well before I came to terms with them it’s interesting thank you for sharing that it’s quite heartbreaking at G. two here you go back and say that in terms of when you’re at school and you realize why don’t I look like these people to watch I wanted to like this because I’m thinking this popular the people listening to this you may have experienced that what the children were so I don’t wish that on anyone and obviously thanks for sharing how you connect him over that with a lot of defamation wick and south of work which I recommend to anyone he’s probably going through that the other thing I want to ask you was I see body dysmorphia but a huge scale within the fitness industry for the operator and I see it more so when the people who are on stage I think the athletes who compete I don’t know you do modeling as well so does the Hopi day Monday when the whole idea of being on stage for example is that P. people can critique you or they can point out said things with you I mean I’m not sure how the body side breaks but I know the fitness thing these people are poor dysmorphia they then put themselves on stage and it’s this country into tomorrow’s because you’re chasing perfection which which never really works but I know a lot of those people struggle so in terms of money was not a game that could be complete if the market did you do that to prove something to yourself it was just something that you enjoy doing how is that helped you with your body image it’s a lot of this stuff is quite difficult to describe because it’s quite nuanced sorry body dysmorphia cumbia separate condition although it’s not separately diagnosable (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) but it can also be a symptom of eating disorders (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) so within not modeling was actually quite separate okay so you one of the things that is absolutely true the modeling industry the side is that the pressure on image I’m not imagining that right now our I happen to be someone that is the default and Scott Walker measurements so when close to fast made by design is that made to measure men’s face similar to mine and then all of the shapes of go from there which is a big part of why (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) larger people really struggle to find clothes that fit them all people a short title I’m just anyone that significantly outside of that range so in a way I I do fit the modeling industry quite well on the surface level I’m because I don so much southwest what it was actually quite productive for me to be and I and I still do my thing now because there was something to the holiday I already had a session out of self belief and self love so when I got choked someone I got compliments there was somewhere to rest for me the most concerning side of the modeling industry (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) from a model perspective because this office he consented tubs of how the industry behaves but from why people get into a and a lot of people get into it for the wrong reason they go in looking for validation but they come in with without the self confidence without the southwest and so there is nothing to Valentine in fact I see a lot of models go into it with a lot of self loathing and I think if only enough people think I’m pretending that not will change but instead what happens is that focus is totally on the negative every casting data cap they start tearing themselves apart full because that resonates with the self loathing so in a way I was getting a kale (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) and I some looking very productive because I was in a good place to go into a the complicated thing is the old what’s happening quite parallel to my eating disorder and but it’s an important point because a lot of the misconception is that eating disorders particularly anorexia bulimia (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) I was very much on finite visual you know how how thinking eBay what do you look like are you happy with your parents but it’s actually more so about control say it become a way for me to feel more in control of my life because I was in control of what’s going in my mouth I’m from a young age often not see anything you can control and so I’d build a safety mechanism I am not I’m not really the core for anything the sorceress the visual aspect is kind of secondary and because it’s it’s an illusion anyway you know that’s why body dysmorphia there is often a symptom that way you got people that stick thing and still think that five but that they’ll find a way of course you know I I could do that was sort of my body it’s not like if I really lean over my chat so I can make a world any any of us can do that and so that’s what you focus on because it feeds the controller and it justifies the unhealthy behavior but the unhealthy behavior also makes you feel safe because when you’re struggling with whatever has caused this I am it’s a way to feel like you’re back in charge again and that you’re doing something productive even though is it yeah the the United the appearance is just what happens today yeah it’s usually not the the main motivation because otherwise if nothing else you would say that most people I’m yeah I’ve got a couple of friends because if that was true if it was all about parents then it would only be people that don’t fit yeah the modeling stereotypes that we get eating disorders and maybe that would mean that over satellite and then they lose that way and then there okay but that’s that’s not how it works until Jesse said that so I suffered with that BG in disorder right eight years ago and I just saying I’m just it’s resonated with me because I’m not there was not enough control are you speaking about yeah so on the parents of a store five six percent body fat and our trade three times a day I don’t see how myself in the gym under a or the time and our courts on the weekends to excessive amounts to the point of going to drive my car back and I feel sick I hate myself I look in the mirror it’s about Danny controlling myself the next five six days from just be myself open feeling like okay I’ve got control again use it again and just really just coming about you thought about that and that’s why it’s so important to get to the root cause with with ready any mental illness you know where’s that come from what is the thing is struggling with and one way I used to try and help people understand mental illnesses particularly that kind of nonlinear nature (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) for example you can be diagnosed with more than one well sometimes (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) for many conditions they have symptoms chat on the surface of what can be confusing but the way I describe it to people often and stuff if you instead look at the symptoms of mental illness as a reaction to the trauma you’ve experienced and then you got enough symptoms and they each quarter mental illness that can be at most right food went looking out at the because of certain things you’ve been you’ve developed symptoms they compete some of them will be coping mechanisms some of them would just be purely a sign of how you’re struggling you build up enough of the you thank awful pain condition something that needs to be tackled and in that way I think we can all relate to mental health because we may not awful how to diagnose a bull condition but we’ve all felt anxious we’ve (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) hard to periods of feeling log we full intro to retain times I’m for the I mean healthy cases these things coming back but it’s just so dependent on what you go through yeah you know I definitely connect knowledge the wildest I went through certain things that contributed to mental illness I could have been better hi my second sounds has been different I could have also been a lot you know I was never hospitalized with my eating disorder for example but I’ve known people that house yeah and I can relate to it just as much I can see the version of me that could have come that one decision interested okay speaks a lot for people to become the words in my head but I need to that progress should also given your adversity and given how you overcame a lot for your life in terms of you found coping mechanisms you find self love and you’re much more confident place especially not with your marketing which I think is fantastic that you not have enough in the even if you went to get the validation I believe you still be finding time to do what you’re doing in this precise moment that what’s your biggest fear my biggest fear I think failure (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) meaninglessness I am would be my biggest fear has been consistent throughout my life a lot of thought is like how I was raised to to be a high achiever who works very hard to make your family proud but (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) say the immense pressure I put on myself it’s not a coincidence that I have several jokes it’s not a coincidence that I what come reasonable hours time and I just really want to make an impact the hot swap I believe in that’s what I was raised today docks six US doesn’t scare me like a lot of people are daunted by that like I love job interviews I have some I sometimes go for a job interview is out (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) if you’re really looking forward to that (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) and then I will be scattered but I’m not scared of the I’m scared of all the things I might know that you and in a way particular depression is a threat to the that if I have a bad day my mind that goes to what if this was my life what if every day was like this and I achieved nothing that’s a good idea absolutely yeah but when you have a bad day for example because you would have bad days what’s your thought process there are you compassionate with yourself because one of the things I do when I have that day were up I liked quite a phone with a megaphone for example it rarely lasts more than two days that’s only the maximum seven lasted but it always be a day call maybe ten to fourteen days but I always tell myself it pass yeah I’ve got past that before a possible destination my mantra about to do that because I am pointed to myself doing that but just being able to say to myself (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) pass eight it helps me before the next day do you have something that you parties in nine states I got a lot better being compassionate to myself I have more projects and get work less hours than I used to spend it a difficult but important balance and I’ve just had to work very hard to sort of re framing fair fell yeah dot I used to think that I have a day off and I’m automatically and now I can acknowledge batter that now I’ve still the chief the law I still can’t achieve a lot I’m just going to have a quick poll is in the middle but it’s an ongoing process and a lot of thought is about building the self was thinking that I deserve a day off I didn’t used to thank them your money must also submit to yourself about loads of jobs I don’t just have one gentile I work around the clock twenty four seven I expect more for myself than anyone else could expect from me as well I think you’ve got on the same kind of January if we had continued that without the self love element without the compulsion of a better life which Google so M. S. twenty one out there he’s making allies trying to take on the road even in pot so I’m not going to spoil yeah absolutely so I’m not alone in the Segway into on the top of the phone punish us okay most of the entries can be quite emotive we normally talk about investing and stuff so this time of an ally in the mood and when you get to know about me just a little bit more so for the next thirty to sixty seconds I’ve got some random questions here my phone I’m gonna ask you tough pressure well that’s it (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) actually time is kind of what I just think okay that’s enough and then I’ll stop it (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) well wait one sentence answers already okay we’re gonna go in three to one okay the ability to fly or be invisible the number one thing that annoys you the best advice anyone has ever told you (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) the worst advice (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) lineup when your face your biggest strength resilience your participation in the campaign your favorite motivational speaker they set goals if you had an extra hour a day how would you spend of the one the best lesson anyone has ever told you gonna go with friendship yeah that’s fine if you can get the listeners to practice one thing after this episode to benefit their lives so if you could abolish one thing in the world what would it be your favorite book the crimson petal why you seem pretty good at that nobody knows close right the ability to read minds to predict the future three who is your biggest role model I have here one of my more obscure as well interesting it does absolutely wonderful your favorite food pizza if you could relive one day K. but they were attacked this what song best describes your life this isn’t true but who knows okay in my head I sometimes pretend that that’s me okay a lot nicer than not so K. state so that brings us to the end of the composite show so the next question is about reflection right and I believe hindsight’s a wonderful thing it can teach us ways that we can get through life easier quicker or less heartache but also believe the journey teaches us so much as well so knowing exactly what you know now I mean they were United in Korea we step if you could maybe go back to younger Bobby and whisper something in his is what would you say it’s really tricky I’m not I’m not very succinct and that way I would want to sell and everything I think you got ten seconds of it (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) disposable pressure I don’t know because I think I always knew it was going to be okay for the for the most part I always knew it was going to be okay I think I would probably a few decisions wish to go in a different way up you like quick five say no to these things say if things I’m testing so the last question I asked one of my guess is about legacy I don’t know you spoke about wanting to have an impact as well that’s really pointy tell us imagine in a hundred fifty S. science fails to save us and all that exists is this book and this book yes about use about your life’s about the incredible things that you’ve done an incredible things are about to do as well firstly what would the title of the book B. secondly what the summary at the back tell us about you say partly I think because of my Irish us I think swearing is quite a broad sided I’m something like changed shit would be made (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) in terms of the summary a lot of it does come back to life lasting impacts when you were saying congratulations to the campaigning I still find out what we had to respond to you because I still haven’t fully got my head around the amount of progress or positive so the fact that you know that’s coming in September in a few years as I might be hiring people that have gone through education on this part of and say not that is what I would want the summary to beta I was part of massive change around how we talk about mental health how we support people struggling but also the this is just crazy to tolerance and general I in many ways to kind of sort of unconventional Hoekstra podcast I don’t think I’m the sort of the generic white mountain that you know he gets cast in the romantic lead of movies I’m I’m not gonna lie but it continually surprises me that people can relate to what I shot but it’s because I I really try to be honest (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) rule yeah and people can connect to that the universal nature of emotions even if my life is being a Pat (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) tentative at times you love that and it will sink in one day prior I just think it’s incredible because that is the legacy that yes one of the questions I always ask myself and we spoke about this alien I’m going for a bit of a time that was hi do you believe and in part because one of the things I don’t want to do speed up pace and he just hush takes mental health yeah right because okay hi statement WSG changing what you’re actually doing that actively moving the needle forward she said so I just think what you what you’ve done there is such an incredible thank you and I’m sure the people of support you in that as well so a sub for the voice myself hiring you know re ignited you for that because you’re gonna make the world a better place in the future because I think we’re in a society where because he meant mental illness changing right now in terms of getting a new battery just seems to be on the rise at the minimum I feel comfort knowing that we have something special education system we both got our own opinions on the educational system but it is what you’re doing is a Catholic change it in terms of how replace it with something that you’d want what I can do supplemented with something credible so for that thank you and just before I give you a chance unless there’s a chance to connect which is something that I strongly urge everyone to do after the show is there anything that you wish I’d asked you on this episode or maybe something that you want to leave the listeners with yes sorry this thing that I would want to leave the lesson so as I mentioned the best piece of advice I’ve got I think was your question and then you are enough at night she said on the question because it’s something I say to myself I need something that we say at the end of every episode of my podcast I am done being incredibly powerful for me in terms of removing this dangerous binary idea around mental health the young guy that a lawyer while I need socks I I would tell you everybody is sometime between now and for me that was really powerful realizing that you can be enough at any point in the journey the whole next day I’ve made this progress and that’s fine I don’t have to constantly judge myself against C. and gold I can keep that in mind (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) you’ve still got to have fun along the China because if you if you are a high achiever the only thing that will happen is even if you reach the call you just such another one so you have to find a way to enjoy the process and that’s life in general but will say specifically mental health recovery you’re allowed to love yourself and and no judge yourself as a fellow yeah just because you haven’t reached perfection yeah you can have a wealth of over the city so yep I love the answer so just on your podcast and how we can reach you as well what’s the best pop forms or the best way that business can connect with yourself show that say if you go to mental podcast okay don’t you Kay well the lines to lessen our on that the petition and so say like to as well if you wanted to sign us and was still working on the Scotland and Northern Ireland take a full UK coverage so that is things going past the qualities for the in the show notes he’s been (subscribe to find your voice podcast and learn about mental illness and suicide prevention) informative educational for myself something I’ve learned a lot about the majority a lot so thank you for your time of Brevard ensemble thank you for listening thank you and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day