Overcoming Your Childhood Trauma #67

Overcoming Your Childhood Trauma #67

Overcoming your childhood trauma, is something too many of us suffer with. Whether it is mental, physical or sexual abuse many of us can relate to this topic. Mike is an infectious human being who shares his vulnerabilities and story to the world, to not only escape his own thoughts and release but to help other people. Mike has recognised through him sharing his story and finding his voice, post surviving child abuse. A sincere man, with a purpose to let people know they aren’t alone and that there are ways of overcoming trauma as a child, or any abuse we may suffer.

“I’m Still Here”

Mike McBride

He also discusses some incredible points around, intentional living and how this would enhance the happiness and fulfilment for all of us. Amongst this, we discuss the need to do the work on ourselves with specialists when trauma is the problem. The healing, the overcoming of shame and coming out the other side is necessary but it requires work. Real, hard work that sometimes we may want to avoid or shy away from. But only until we feel the wound can we heal the wound, as the great Robin Sharma quotes.

An absolute pleasure to have Mike on the show and I thank him for his transparency and words.

Key timestamps:

[05:00] Mike sharing his child abuse story through blogging

[08:25] Child abuse is NOT your fault.

[09:40] Why me?

[16:28] Living Intentionally

[22:22] Dissociating yourself from abuse

[28:45] Fun part of the show

[33:55] The Story of Dunkirk – “All we did was survive”

Key Quotes by Mike:

“We do the things we want to do, and don’t do the things we don’t want to do” [Intentional Living]

“It’s not your fault’ [On being abused]

‘These people were going to hurt someone. They were broken, they were damaged and they were looking for someone to hurt…And I just happened to be in the space when it happened” [On being abused]

I urge you all to please follow Mike and support his amazing journey.

Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21 Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice

Book mentioned to help with overcoming your childhood trauma:

Healing the Shame that binds you: https://amzn.to/2sU8mkI

Links to me:

Website: https://www.arendeu.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com

YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y

Links to Mike:

All links to Mikes work: https://linktr.ee/childabusesurvivornet

Pippa Transcript (may not be 100% accurate)

welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what’s going on people thank you for tuning into another episode of falling your voice my name is art and as always I am the host of the show so today I’m delighted to be able to bring to you Mike McBride who openly shares he story about being a child abuse survivor now I have Mike is actually found his voice but in return for my eyes he’s been blogging since two thousand one not just about his own experiences but also about other topics as well which you may find interesting but I wanted to bring him on because I want to talk obviously about the adversity that he’s been through because as you’re gonna recognize from Mike in this episode I’m from the web that he’s doing he’s in a much much better place I know he has is vibrant and edgy about it that really lifted my all mood after the show I’m during the show as well so it’s always nice to see somebody who has been through such trauma such devastating horrific events to come out the other side I now off at their insight to offer their tangible takeaways and some of the stuff he says in this I just think is gonna have a massive massive input for anyone that has not just only gone to child abuse trauma before anyone else who has just suffered adversity there are lessons here for every single one of us so I’m gonna start rumbling on not animal to jump straight into this episode so without further ado let’s get this interview on the way okay so I’m extremely delighted up to welcome Mike on to today’s episode of find your voice Mike how we doing today excellent excellent how are you doing today aren’t I’m very well thank you very well thank you for asking me just briefly spoke obviously before the show and it is Friday so we are both public kind down to the weekend just to kind of relax a little bit so looking forward to it and I was just actually Sainte prior to a star in the recording and I want to kind of keep it for the show your messages when I stumbled across awake resonated with me for quite a few reasons but two more so than any others and the first time was about I was reading your about page in understanding who you were and was about how you see yourself as a teacher and I also believe you want in your previous profession and you said something about how you love to learn new things and share them and then you kind of write these in your blogs and you just kind of share the social media and it’s weird because it’s kind of find your voice but more in terms of like an audio perspective and then you also mentioned something that really kind of I’m Jeff I will find your voice is about which was that when you were spreading your message in this lonely time that you’re going through in your car using as a release what you are recognizing was dot but the people felt the same way that you did as well and that what you had written it somehow managed to kind of reach others and then you recognize that your circumstances went exclusive TS often this is kind of something I could be in the drum on with find your voice when are we try to get people to come and share the stories because I want people to recognize that the stories all mundane and sometimes you may say something that might have a profound positive affect on somebody else who’s going through a similar situation so Bessie I just wanna knowledge you for the way that you’re doing you’ve got a hell of a lot of content which hopefully the listeners can obviously chewed into and read post this interview book now I’m gonna pass it over to you I’m gonna stop rambling like so if you wouldn’t mind if you can just kind of introduce yourself maybe to the listeners and to tell us about yourself I may be what kind of got you into the whole blog inside of it and some of the way that you do today sure yeah (subscribe to find your voice) so (subscribe to find your voice) as as there is a buy in from Mike I’ve been writing the (subscribe to find your voice) child abuse survivor dot net website (subscribe to find your voice) actually since two thousand one so yeah there there’s a good reason there’s so much content there it’s been going on for eighteen years I think in terms of what you’re saying (subscribe to find your voice) like you said you know I I have been a trainer previous profession and you know being able to kind of take something and teach to someone else I think is still the best way to truly understand something is to read it take it and and then be able to explain it to someone else so that is one of those things that I would do whether anyone was reading or not yeah just because it helps me understand that but the big thing for me and and one of the reasons I I originally started my blog was that like you said I I pictured I I originally actually started blogging (subscribe to find your voice) about a totally different topic or at a technology blog still do and I started connecting with other people who worked in I. T. in talking about problems you’re having trouble shooting and asking questions and and things like that and it very quickly realized that you know if if I was a a young person maybe just you know for first going away to college in dealing with my child the question in dealing with any sort of child abuse (subscribe to find your voice) you’re probably the first thing I would do is go to Google ari and and to start typing and and see you know if anyone is talking about this and so I set myself a gold said well if nothing else right if if nothing else exists on the internet I want there to be one website where schist does normal person talking about Hey I survived child used to write I went through a ton on mental health issues in my early twenties out of that right at I struggled with these things and I’m still here I’m working you know I I’m I’m a normal guy with a wife and a job and you know and I wanted to be able to do that and and have that one place where it says Hey you’re not alone right there are people out here like this and then immediately just started sharing things right Hey look there’s another person like this here’s here’s some other people talking about this (subscribe to find your voice) so that you have that sort of okay I’m not the freak in the room right I there are other people dealing with this I’m not completely alone (subscribe to find your voice) and so that has always been just near and dear to to my purpose in my heart (subscribe to find your voice) is making sure that that people have that place absolutely absolutely love that because you you just set up the beginning of that sometimes you’re right stuff even if you know that maybe somebody will read it and it’s just kind of therapy exhaust I gently myself and submit yourself all my hits something from a book called from a podcast for example with I think wow that’s really profound that’s really interesting and what I’ll do is I’ll just cut a blog about it and I just kind of trying to extract the lessons not a my perception in terms of what was said there so that’s one thing you wake is really really important I also think you touch on something which is of see through your own experience which is that the child abuse that you mentioned and not something that you’ve been through now I have had previous guests you have opened up about about their struggles with that level of trauma really trying to overcome it and I think having you in this space were during this interview nine have you got anything tangible perhaps not maybe somebody who has either been through a long time ago is currently going through it that they could potentially help him heal I know you find a bit of a release to your blogging for have you done anything else other than that because I maybe somebody he just doesn’t feel comfortable in terms of blogging now share it’s easy for me to kind of say okay I blog about it now but like I wasn’t logging in my twenties right it was later after after I had done therapy and then a medication for a couple years and and all of that stuff because I don’t think you know when I was when I was twenty one twenty two years old (subscribe to find your voice) and sort of in the thick of not knowing how to be an adult and and dealing with trauma I I probably could never eaten anything I didn’t have anything to say (subscribe to find your voice) so it is sort of you know that that is sort of an important first step is you know it I understand that people want to tell their stories and I encourage that a million percent you know and that’s fantastic but you know that’s just part of it it is a lot of work let me know I spent a lot of time in therapy I you know I I ate at one point my wife had to see my therapist five days a week right I did take a long lunch every day from work you can see my therapist because I was I was you know they were they were very concerned about me (subscribe to find your voice) so you know don’t don’t be ashamed of that that that work (subscribe to find your voice) I don’t shy away from that work is that that is the important work that really gets done but you are asked something about sort of tips (subscribe to find your voice) or you know what have have helped them write the beginning (subscribe to find your voice) and one of the things that I have struggled with a little bit I’ve written a few times about this I think there’s a lot of ways to go about it it sounds cliche now to say that you know it wasn’t your fault yeah great (subscribe to find your voice) but I think when you can really understrength understand that it wasn’t your fault that is such a freeing experience right and and when I say that you know sometimes it requires kind of looking at it and that’s something that is painful personally I don’t want to look at it I don’t I don’t want to examine what happened and and look at at the the people who abused me and and look at them at all I want to ignore that move on with my life but I think for me it was very important to not necessarily find a reason for it or find an excuse for it definitely not find excuse for of course right but I needed to understand that these people were going to hurt someone yeah right they were broke and they were damaged they were they were looking for someone to hurt I just happened to be there like I didn’t do anything right this wasn’t happening to me this is happening because of that I just happened to be in the space when it happened and I think sort of understanding that a little bit and kind of getting past that (subscribe to find your voice) you know because our media question (subscribe to find your voice) and I get it right our immediate question when something happens to us is always why me why me right what did I do and for child abuse that’s completely the wrong question great it’s not what you write it’s you were just there you were you were in the path of someone who was going to do damage yeah and they damage you that’s really interesting you said that so there’s a few things I just want to try and conclude from not for my understanding and hopefully for the laces also I know you innocently laugh about it now you there’s a few small is that when you talk about seeing a therapist for example for five days because I see now you and much much better place but that still doesn’t take away the fact that the warehouse to be done and not and I’m assuming that way because of his the with the therapist with the specialist you can really try and help you overcome that troll manage I’m also glad you added to that by saying one of the things that somebody’s been through trauma now I’m not speaking from experience has so I say this with all due respect of not knowing that the topic well enough but we have to kind of look at it I and you have to look at and understand that like you just said these people were going to hit somebody and you will have to understand that you would just the unfortunate person that they’ve ended up Hey and and as a result of that trying to recognize it’s not your fault so hopefully of kind of concluded that as well as like I could’ve but it’s nice and refreshing Mike I obviously you’ve kind of obviously come out the other side because I’ve had some horrific stories of people really do kind of concealing themselves or struggle and again it’s not really their fault because some people just don’t have the tools so that the mind set (subscribe to find your voice) the availability to topping two places whereby they can get it so intense just therapists and stuff is not just a simple Google search for somebody and I’m just trying to think outside because maybe there is somebody potentially listen to this episode I thinking where do I even start is as simple as a Google search can be (subscribe to find your voice) it’s obviously a very complicated topic absolutely I I know in the U. S. for example we are we are dealing with a severe lack of available there press you know there there are way more people having mental health issues and we have psychiatric treatments available for so you know that the and that and that is you know we could do podcaster podcast I’ve about that but (subscribe to find your voice) (subscribe to find your voice) yeah if it’s a it’s a Google search it’s a reference you know it in US if you’ve got insurance through your job sometimes it’s contacting insurance company in and finding out where you can go in and England Cena NHS yeah all all of these different options for it for health care but sadly (subscribe to find your voice) the reality is that we are short we are we are are are very very short when it comes to helping people so it it may not be as some it you know the I can go to Google and find a therapist but finding a therapist that I can go to that takes my insurance are sadly is going to be a very very complicated process I was very very lucky I I had decent insurance I had a place I could go (subscribe to find your voice) I had someone who could sini that often right you know and you you mentioned the work right at and I I kinda laugh about a I had to go see my therapist everyday because it is you know looking back on it it’s sort of funny that I had to go every day but that was the reality that my reality was I had no idea how to be an adult I I was so busy just surviving my childhood that I got to adulthood notch like I have no skills I had no idea how how to make decisions or you know how to how to create a life for myself so a lot of my therapy you know once we got past the the the shame which is a huge huge barrier (subscribe to find your voice) and then blaming myself and things like that a lot of it after that was just how do I. function right how do I how do I build a life for myself when I didn’t learn how to how to do that as a cat right there were no skills passed on to me about how to do that and I think that is you know another that child you survivors especially struggle with because you know you you have this sort of highly disruptive chaotic trauma that happens to you during the time that you’re supposed to be developing a personality and developing so dole skills and they just get dumped out into adulthood without it yet (subscribe to find your voice) and and that is also a really big struggle you know and and it’s it’s a struggle in in many ways right straw it’s a struggle internally but it’s also a struggle to connect with other survivors because you really you’re talking about two three four people you know in a room you to get you to watch Robertson room you’re talking about a lot of really non social people I don’t understand social niceties sometimes you get up and it’s not really their fault they just they didn’t grow up learning that you you have to kind of develop that later in life and it can be done you know I’ve certainly done it I know plenty of drivers who have but it’s hard to recognize sometimes that Hey I there are things I’m lacking because of this and these are things I can go out and learn and practice now and and get better at but but first I mean the first thing you have to do is get over the shame right you have to we we have to find a way to make sure people know it’s not their fault that they don’t need to feel ashamed about this because that’s the I think the big the big barrier to getting help is is the shame absolutely absolutely on one of the previous guess who got you spoke about he recommended a book is on not that the book was called the shame that binds ya all my books at that time (subscribe to find your voice) I do apologize but I will put in the show notes and I see ready just to try and understand a little bit about it some about sixty percent of the way through and not might help somebody he’s potentially going through this but my could just one could you say you have a very infectious Barbara energy and I’m I’m getting this obviously from the other side the world from units and it’s really nice and I shoring actually because okay we’re talking about a very doc kind of subject in this podcast but to be able to see somebody who’s not picking up this episode I feel I need to put myself right now because you’re you’re not just a friend tangible takeaways but you’ll given an insight into yes you’ve been through this yes you experience this and you’ve had to literally try and build your life again but now you see him in a much much better pay so if I may Mike just talk about your routine now and the reason I ask that is because most of the people on my show have been to some level of investing and then they call might be at the site and to me that success dot means success more so than your bank balance or with the number of is the grandfather is that you have so if you wouldn’t mind just kind of giving us a daily routine you know the life of Mike what a general data data is like because I’m I think it’s gonna be quite excited but more so than that sometimes we do something in a day where somebody might think that she let me just try that and it could be as simple as meditation it could be a some implies writing gratitude for example and I I mean I’m always trying to pick up little bits from people as well and hopefully that will help the list is as well yeah to be honest with you I think my life’s pretty boring it’s not super exciting okay (subscribe to find your voice) but to me that’s kind of the point I I don’t put up with a lot of drama had enough of that early (subscribe to find your voice) size I really try and live a very quiet life I we had a a friend of our stay with us (subscribe to find your voice) in the spring she was here for for three four days (subscribe to find your voice) and she comment on something that that is always sort of struck with stuck with me since then that she said my wife and I live a very intentional life I’m like we do what we want to do and we don’t do what we don’t want to I love that and I think for me that is as I’ve gotten older and and gotten into kind of building my of my adult life I like that sort of steady being able to be intentional or you do things that I want to do one eight perfect example of this is social media right so so many people struggle being intentional with social media right they just are scrolling through and before they know it two hours I’ve done nothing yeah and we’ve all done it let let’s be honest but you also are like you’re scrolling through like your schooling for Instagram looking at all these pictures of people who are in wonderful places you know looking incredible and and it can start to really make you feel bad about yourself like we’re seeing some of the effects of that and and I like to think of of social media as being something more intentional or I I I am very intentional about who I follow do they offer me something that I that I care about do they offer me something that is going to teach me something do they offer me courage meant you know and I’ve followed people and gotten into to looking at their feet and gone man this person just rants about politics all there yeah yeah yeah at the end and you know what if you’re into politics great fantastic go have fun that’s the sort of thing that drags me down right so I I start to feel really just her when I did a lot of time reading about that so I got on folly because it’s it’s just bad for me so I think that is really one of the things that kind of keeps me at at pace is being intentional the other is always learning right I my job requires me to always learn about the legal industry in about technology so I obviously do that a lot I like to learn about mental health I like to talk about mental health I like to kind of bring up the lack of resources sat and things like that I like to kind of teach people that I I like to teach people some of the stuff I know one of the things I’ve I’ve really been thinking a lot about lately is in the statistics I know a few years ago I kind of tried to do a little a little mask break down to kind of say Hey if these are the statistics about child abuse this is not somebody else’s problem you know people who are right there’s just all it’s almost a mathematical impossibility that you don’t know someone was they start talking about it right so this does impact everyone so does it I mean really when I say I have a quiet life it’s because a lot of it is spent just trying to educate myself trying to share that with people I I know trying to keep in touch with people I know you know trying to just have intentional relationships (subscribe to find your voice) so that was kind of rambling and and not a topic that does not seem to be fine and I’m not trying to cop you and say here but I feel like this year my sophomore wife we really try to live an intentional life and he was kind of now I love producing content so I love creating content I love learning new things that seem to T. S. offense why I want to bring you into the show I want to blog about it I want to talk about it because I felt if it’s helped me I’m just hopeful that those words might just help somebody else so I do that I’m one of the things I still I do naturally is of stop my scrolling or at least of limited it so I spend a lot less time actually consuming and I spend a lot more time creating because that’s kind of where I find my therapeutic vibe if that’s even a phrase (subscribe to find your voice) where I just kind of don’t like though is I feel a lot better for it but I think we’d all probably be a lot better if we have to just maybe sat back for a week looked at all of our actions in terms of the people we engage with the things that being gauges that and think is not serving us is not moving us forward and that’s kind of where the intentional life comes in so that’s really really fascinating and also love the passion for obviously learning in terms of mental health is also mental health especially my community so from an indican unity it’s a very to boost subject and I recognize that when my mom suffered with chronic depression is often I really have to kind of understand and then not recognize not my own dealings with his I. E. for pretty much most of my life were also part of the mental health bracket so I’m fascinated by the I’m trying to let you be as as big as I can in terms of trying to raise the awareness behind and also just ask the questions get people to build up the courage to talk about it as well so well having people like yourself obvious on the show that certainly helps and that’s another Avenue whereby somebody might not recognize or were late to my message but hopefully they can relate to your message which will hopefully in ten give them a better output soda yeah I absolutely love that like and (subscribe to find your voice) if I may so they just ask you very briefly that in terms of the mental health you’ve come off medication are having you yeah I have five (subscribe to find your voice) I had to be medicated kind of the best way to describe it is that I had to Creedence a safety net okay during the time that I was really kind of overcoming the shame and and figuring out how to be an adult for me it was not in my depression was not necessarily something that was chemical that need to be medicated it but a couple of years before that the the psychiatrists and then the professionals kind of said you know what while you’re going through this we want to keep something underneath the or in a safety net to prevent this is going to be hard yeah right and I had already had when I was a kid one of the things that I learned how to do in order to such kind of survive a sexual abuse and everything else I was going on was to dissociate now when I say that you know a lot of people think of dissociative identity disorder or multiple personalities and things like that and I didn’t do that I wish I was on (subscribe to find your voice) on much different place on that spectrum but one of the things that I learned how to do was to not be there right just mentally I’m not here probably the best way to describe that as you know the the difference between experiencing something and watching someone else on TV experience I’m right so I could literally in the midst of of the abuse or the painter (subscribe to find your voice) trauma everything else was going on I could literally just in my brain not be there right like all that’s happening someone else that’s not me so does say is almost like a survival instinct that you think your body and your mind just great absolutely there’s there’s no doubt I Hey if I had to actually be there (subscribe to find your voice) mentally and live I I don’t know that I could have right so this was definitely a defense mechanism which is great when you’re a child right you can send it I’m not here yeah where it got dangerous in my twenties was my first marriage was falling apart you know going to school working in a bad merit like the stress levels were just out of control (subscribe to find your voice) in my mid twenties and that natural reaction to not be there kind of kicked in and when you’re a kid and you’re not there you don’t physically go anywhere because you don’t really have that many options on how to do that when you’re an adult with a car that becomes a whole other thing right so I basically disappeared for a month I have no idea what I did during that month but the right I I have almost no memory of it why I just I got in the car drove away (subscribe to find your voice) so the technical term for what I experience was a fugue state that is sort of common thing as an adult when you do you suffer a few state to basically go away because you have the option to physically go away as well as mentally go away so you take it and so that was kind of to circle back there the reason that I was on medications to avoid that happening right there like we need to put a floor and so that you don’t reach that level of stress and escapism and just disappear on us again so that for me was why I was on medications to provide that (subscribe to find your voice) as I sort of got stronger started putting my life together sort of like east you describe it coming out the other side a little bit I was able to come off that because I was not eight you my depression was not dependent on the on the chemical imbalance or anything that medication yet but I know lots of people who who do and that’s fine there’s no shame in doing what works upside to treat your mental health condition before I start if you ever do you remember like what you did in that month please do talk about it because I think every every very very interesting (subscribe to find your voice) so that some that could tiles to tell their and yet to reasons last year about the medication was caught obviously are I speak to a lot of people with mental health my mom’s cover your medication as well and I think there’s almost like a fair and and and I didn’t cite you that I’ll always be Medicaid are always need this to kind of help me cope now you’ve obvious explained yours wasn’t with the chemical imbalance and he was more kind of safety net but it’s also reassuring to know that there are people out there who have managed to you with the tool kit three whether it’s occupational therapy or whatever it is come out the other side so I just want people to live in hope that there is a white out of the midst or the dog cream or whatever you wanna call under a ferry to medium for what I mean hopefully if I can get my mom smiling and laughing the way you were smiling may in the next few years and that would be the greatest gift anyone could ever give me so thank you for sharing that yeah no problem and really I mean I know people who are are going to be on medication the rest of their lives and I I understand that that socks thank you for no other way to put that but but at the same tired of like you know I I I would rather have you medicated the not have you (subscribe to find your voice) one a day for a lot of people are the options so take the medication and and anybody who tells you your week for needing medication the heck with them yeah absolutely (subscribe to find your voice) termite would you don’t need that kind of that negative energy absolutely so might then knowing arguably you’ve probably been through one of the biggest traumas that any pacing could go through in their life in this precise moment than right now what’s your biggest fear wow I’m to be honest with you right now probably my biggest fear is something happening to my wife (subscribe to find your voice) and part of that and and we haven’t talked about this in and you don’t know this but (subscribe to find your voice) during two thousand nineteen we have actually lost both of her parents and my mom so sorry to hear that it’s been it’s been a rough year and so if you ask me right now I would say I I I worry about her I worry about something happening to her (subscribe to find your voice) simply because she is such a part of that intentional life that I have is is spending it with her yeah (subscribe to find your voice) and and I think that would be you know something happening there would make that very difficult to have that denture live even this year has been very it’s been a challenge to continue to have (subscribe to find your voice) an intentional life when you’re dealing with that much loss at the same time but you know having each other to lean on has been a huge help for that so not losing that level of support and intimacy I want someone who knows me so well I think would be very very of call and then that’s you know I that goes for anybody well thank you for sharing the honest part of your life and my thoughts and condolences of is to go out to you and your wife for the and I will I will let you say this from experience (subscribe to find your voice) not having been through Chalabi’s one thing that I was hit with a few years ago we test you kind of prompted find your voice indirectly was the loss of believe it or not seven people at within twelve months on it absolutely rocked my world from not experiencing no loss in my life to you literally being hit from every single angle I need does massively change your perception it does must be changed the things that you think are important this status is the external validation in order that stuff that we often see king and you recognize that what such an important so he’s pew for that you have this incredible relationship with your wife and hope that just obviously continues to keep growing I’m becoming stronger because my wife is probably the same as well again my coffee look I’m just copying your life here right now because having that support that weight than having the intentional life he really does kind of just keep you grounded I suppose if I was a customer myself that question which (subscribe to find your voice) which I really haven’t and I keep asking other people it would probably be something happened to my wife so a long may your wife’s health and yourself continue so thank you for sharing (subscribe to find your voice) yeah (subscribe to find your voice) (subscribe to find your voice) that’s exactly it so what you do not like it is for the next sixty to ninety seconds is I just ask you a bunch of random questions which I have a microphone and whenever you’re ready I’m going to hit the stop button all right let’s go like what is your proudest achievement published arriving (subscribe to find your voice) getting getting to adulthood your favorite motivational speaker Susan Cain not so much as a motivational speaker but because as an introvert she kind of gets me if you could get the listeners to focus on one thing for twenty twenty what would it be good question if I could get them to focus on one thing I think it would be to be intentional right really really stop and think about what you’re doing it on a daily basis if you could abolish one thing in the world what would it be how will be abolished area types what is your favorite book Tel two cities why you seek legal dot not nobody knows my secretly get out that nobody does (subscribe to find your voice) I am actually died while people may know this now but I’m actually for first quiet and and and (subscribe to find your voice) introverted as I am I am actually a really good public speaker what would you like to be remembered for my (subscribe to find your voice) I would like to be remembered for being kind and (subscribe to find your voice) being thoughtful being for making a difference what is your biggest goal for twenty twenty (subscribe to find your voice) man I thought about that yeah no problem your favorite color (subscribe to find your voice) colors black the ability to fly or be invisible so I want to be in this definitely many of the I’d probably go with money because so many areas of life that are lacking or because of money your favorite food (subscribe to find your voice) chicken parmesan would you rather speak four languages we’ll be able to speak to animals no offense to animals but rather speak publicly but rather be able to reach more people and finally what song best describes your life luckily I’ve listened your podcasts before side you do you come up and I think because I do think about this a long time okay (subscribe to find your voice) but there’s a clash song called I’m not down okay fantastic not head that yeah it’s it’s it’s old school I love to check it out okay thank you so we’re almost towards the end I Mike and I just wanna let you ask you two more questions on reflection tron legacy so I am a fan for I believe at the obviously hindsight is a wonderful thing and upon reflection we can always think of ways to get to where we are quick and easy I’m less heartache but it’s the journey that also teaches us so much as well and kinda makes this so knowing exactly what you know now with all your wisdom in all your experience and knowledge if you could maybe go back to a young guy Mike and just whisper something in that is what would you say in all honesty I at I would probably say it’s not your fault mmhm yeah this isn’t about you absolutely not I think anyone potentially going through that again a call from a user experience if they could know that and understand them so that obviously be in a much better place so on that note then suddenly BRS yet the last question and the last question is about legacy and if in a hundred fifty years time Mike or that exists is a book and this book is about you everything about your life or the up so the dance or the crazy wonderful things and hopefully what happened in that month when you went missing both physically mentally first of all want to know is what would the title of that book be and secondly what with the Blair but the back tell us about you I think I think the title of it would probably be something along the lines of I’m still here mmhm (subscribe to find your voice) because I do at when I look back at everything that I’ve been through (subscribe to find your voice) when I look back not not just me I the number of people I know who have survived trauma (subscribe to find your voice) I mean that it’s always been one of my biggest messages as you’re still here yeah yeah I’m still here where where we’re still here and and that’s what matters so so that would kind of be something along those lines is the title (subscribe to find your voice) and really the blur would probably be be just what I just said Hey we’re still here yeah how do you convince them together yeah absolutely and I think that’s an important message for anyone who you are suppose goes to any level of investing in that moment if I was at the whole worlds colliding you’re not gonna get out of it and then time is a he land (subscribe to find your voice) over time you that pain becomes slightly less and you can get over and if you can just maybe tie yourselves those weights I’m still here it’s almost in power as well so yeah absolutely love dot and just before we wrap up and obviously I give the list as a chance to commit to yourself because I really want them to obviously looking to your content as well I get a lot of inspiration so of the few things I read from your soft light is giving me ideas a blog post as well as all will be reference in some of your work myself if that so busy okay with yourself because always fail you can land so many different things just from other people’s minds is there anything you wish I’d asked you today Mike that you may want to leave the listeners with I’m not necessarily I I I appreciate and you’re more than welcome to to reference (subscribe to find your voice) the blog in anything I’ve written I’m I’m actually honored (subscribe to find your voice) that you would want to do that so that is not a problem at all no I I think (subscribe to find your voice) kind of to reference what you were we’re talking about I I am one of my favorite and and the quote is literally taken out of context so bear with me on that (subscribe to find your voice) but I don’t know if you’ve seen the movie Dunkerque of notes in it now so basically they the story of Dunkerque of course is that they were all stranded on the beach and then you know there is this massive effort to take get the soldiers back from France back over to England and at the very end of the movie there’s the scene (subscribe to find your voice) where they’re they’re getting off about their boarding a train and this this older gentleman is handing out you know bread and soup and and he congratulates them and the soldiers kinda looks at him and said all we did was survive and that the older gentleman just looks at him and says that’s enough (subscribe to find your voice) and that spoke to me yeah you know you’re here like I said you’re still here that means you survived and you can fight another that so give yourself credit for surviving absolutely give yourself credit is all my friend because you’re doing an incredible job and service with you awake as well so if you wouldn’t mind just on not not then if you could just give us the best place where people can read your blogs or get to know you a little bit back your messages and some of the stuff that you write about it since there is authentic is not just you regurgitate somebody else’s work it’s it’s from you so I think it would have massively help a lot of people so what’s the best place is my friend at best place is to just go to the blog (subscribe to find your voice) it’s child abuse survivor all one word dot net okay (subscribe to find your voice) there are links there said it should that’s the the main page you’ll be kind of a blog where I I write sort of my deep thoughts there’s another blog this link off of their (subscribe to find your voice) called news and reviews and that’s where I will very likely share things that I come across I think are interesting make little comments about them (subscribe to find your voice) and then all the social media profiles are linked off of there as well so that’s that’s really the headquarters to ticket at fantastic okay so (subscribe to find your voice) will make sure the apple or that stuff in the show notes as well along with that book is also perfect I couldn’t remember what the book was called prime show obviously haven’t spoken about shame and stuff is all that might help somebody listening as well I want to take this moment once again like to thank you from the other side to vote for coming on to find your voice and sharing your stories actually been really really enjoyable and you’ve lifted minded you up as well manage to keep this episode which could have been very very imho if in a kind of light hearted way and I mean that with all due respect for anyone going through anything because you are still here and you can obviously me for is also out to you live that message and thank you my friend thank you everyone else at home listening thank you for having me and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day

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