Baby loss awareness overcoming miscarriage
“A drug named hope” #46 by Gurinder Mann tells her story of: Overcoming 6 Miscarriages and 1 Still Birth. [Baby Loss Awareness Week]
A story of “One womens courageous journey, through the majestic minefield we call life. From overcoming adversity to finding her voice & discovering her true calling. Gurinder now shows us that absolutely anything is possible when we live in hope & let our soul lead the way..”
Gurinder Mann shares her incredibly inspiring, emotive, raw and honest story on Find Your Voice this week. It should be noted the 9th October 2019 – 15th October 2019 is also Baby Loss Awareness week. So for that we have uploaded this special episode.
This episode features a woman, who shares her struggle of giving birth to a child and the adversity she had to overcome in experiencing 6 miscarriages and 1 still birth. This was the first time I ever struggled to get my words out. After listening to a story I felt deep sorrow at the pain Gurinder and her husband felt through their journey. I also felt my heart melt at the children who never saw daylight.
Lessons in the suffering
As in true Find Your Voice style though, the lessons are in the journey and in the final results. This has a happy ending but it will teach us so so much if we allow it too. A truly inspiring lady, who has touched my heart, and I am sure will touch 1,000,000s of yours too.
For baby loss awareness week, if you have the chance to share this episode & the podcast to friends, families & peers we would truly appreciate it.
I sincerely hope you found this podcast useful. I also urge you to follow Gurinder’s journey & check out his wonderful podcast.
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
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Have an awesome day & Find Your Voice
Pippa transcript (may not be 100% accurate)
welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what’s going on people thank you for tuning into another episode of find your voice my name is aren’t and as always I am the host of the show so firstly before I begin this introduction I just want to send a massive off out you know from myself in the find your voice community to all those who have suffered with AB loss we are not in baby last awareness week which obviously starts from the ninth to the fifteenth of October and secondly I want to acknowledge my guest so she told an incredibly emotive story and being an empath myself I really got taken in got drawn into this story not did struggle it did catch me off guard and I’ve had some unbelievable guests on the show who have shared their stories and really help change my mind set change other people’s lives change perception but wondering daft speaks about her red face T. and the fact that she had to go through seven miscarriages in her life it was very very difficult to listen to but one incredible woman you seed throughout her JD one of the things that kept her going was hope and finally enough yet she has an incredible blog which were going to speak about in this episode which I seventy eight you to have a look at what really got me excited throughout this episode irrespective of all the adversity and all that trauma that she’s been through bless her her and her husband was the light at the end of the tunnel and a lot at the end of the tunnel was something not myself angering to have in common and that is how we both have a similar mission and that’s to help people find their voice and is to give people who may not necessarily believe they have a voice a voice as well I to discuss the to be subjects and empower people to realize that they’re not alone in whatever their circumstances are or whatever the situations are so it’s a by trying to understand that our problems on excuse it to ourselves and not people out there have been through similar circumstances and I understand one hundred percent in that moment that may not necessarily be what you want to hear but just knowing and having that sense of whole pool knowing that somebody out day has been through something similar or maybe worse so maybe just a little bit less impressive it gives you that sense of hope so I sincerely hope you enjoy this episode will be fantastic if you could share this on your social media but also go back and check the other episodes as well because I vesti is the main theme behind this podcast but it’s also about empowering you to go out there and find your voice so without further ado let’s get this interview on the way so I would like to welcome grinned unto you today show find your voice and we just had a lovely chat city for a few moments just before we started but grinned if you wouldn’t mind if you could maybe give the listeners a little bit about your story and tell them why it you on the show today of course I would love to do that and so on I am Kerr into and (subscribe to find your voice) if I just give you a bit of a chronological run down of my life that might and it is this very the Jenny that I I’ve been on I am so growing up I had a preteen textbook life and great parents really hard working and instilled a real kind of work hard I think in me and my three sisters and I eat did great to school I went to university go to first class degree and I moved to London became a management consultant for at ten years and I had so many brilliant opportunities come along with that and I and I I’m just really looking at bringing create lots of travel and promotions and everything that you could want from your first career after graduating and and then in I went down there normal path I found and as the man of my dreams we got married and we kind of settled into married life together and then as you do when you start to settle down you think about starting a family so (subscribe to find your voice) a few years into marriage with (subscribe to find your voice) yeah with ready for this let’s let’s have a baby and like everything else in life everything went smoothly and we got pregnant so life’s kind of up until that point was pretty text book and I’m really lucky to have had that Jenny in the end on my life but then let’s start the middle part of my life which became a bit messy say the messy middle all cool it and and this is when my pregnancy Jenny didn’t ten out on site would have so take as I thought it would and I in the end the stages is that fast pregnancy I eat didn’t feel too good a time as a way with what I could at that time up north and and just started to feel excruciating pain and I salute is this what pregnancies only can because it was my first pregnancy I didn’t I didn’t know who I don’t have any clue as to what to expect and and I was on my own up up north and and it was just a really weird tying actually and I then had a major believes and I was I was wrong I was worried but I was sent on Google looking at is this normal yeah resort to to talk to giggle and it’s a dangerous place do you know what it really is because some of the answers were saying it’s fine lots of people bleed in any pregnancy and some people believed throughout their pregnancy so I thought maybe it’s okay but then I was reading other things that was saying you know if it’s a lot of blood in urine paint this isn’t good and so somehow I eat in do you the night but for some reason then in the early hours of the morning is about three o’clock and I thought you know what I think I something’s not right and I’m do you to go home later on today on the train and I don’t think I should be going on the train and said let’s get to a hospital if you know they might give me the okay and say it’s fine and I can go into and the office and do my day’s work and then get home but if something’s wrong I think I need to know about it sooner rather than later time so I called a taxi and at four o’clock in the morning on his them off to the local hospital and I have to say I was a bit of an emotional wreck at the time because I I I didn’t have a clue what was going on and I didn’t know if and the pain that I hide in the bleeding was normal and and I had nobody around to me and I told my husband obviously on the phone what was going on and but you know he was in London at the time a good for five I was drive away and I just you know I got myself off tell spittle and I think the talk to that so many soul kind of the FIA in my aunties and that real feeling of uncertainty because I I was asking him looks like you know do you think I’ll be okay to get the train back to London this evening and I think I think he was the felt sorry for me because he said okay I’ll get you sent to the and and going to college you team and they’ll they’ll check you out and I see and they did some tests and everything and I just sat in the waiting room I think they knew that something wasn’t right but they will say it means that you know this poor girl is going to just go back to her hotel room and just say it and you know be an emotional wreck if we give you straight away so they let me just say it in a waiting room and for what felt like hours and I actually think it was that was because they didn’t you know want me to go home sorry can only to go back to the hotel and and be alone so they did say you know if you got somebody coming up and I said yes husband’s on his way he’s going to be a good few hours and they kept me in hospital that whole time and shortly before he arrived late you know I came in and delivered the news that I had miscarried and it actually felt light I know my title these awful symptoms but it felt like somebody had taken a sledge hammer and just hit me over the head with it because it was probably the th yeah it was the first time in my life west something didn’t go according to plan and it came out the blue because I’d never let head if anybody took about a miscarriage F. five before so I didn’t know what it wants and and I didn’t you know you don’t think it’s gonna happen to you and it was just a really it was a sh and devastating shock at the news but also and everything and the motion that came with it because I just wasn’t expecting it and and so I thought you know what I’m going to keep this to myself until my husband gets a because he had this long drive and up north and I thought I don’t want him to know that and then have to draw anything and so that you know concludes my first experience of miscarriage but that didn’t stop us on this journey to be parents and we see you know shortly after got pregnant again and unfortunately we had a second miscarriage and then we got pregnant for third time and again miscarries and you can imagine when life was going really well for me to then have these you know three consecutive blues was jealous it was just mind boggling I couldn’t comprehend how they said happened and how it could happen and how we could keep happening M. because I certainly hadn’t I haven’t heard of anybody having a miscarriage let alone three in a row and so what happens when you have three miscarriages in a row that school recurrent miscarriage and dot trick is within the NHS you know you go down a different route to and you get respect to you specialist recurrent miscarriage clinic and they carry out tasks and try to understand what’s going on and if there’s anything and they can do to treat of course if the miscarriages and you know it was really bizarre when I went to the doctor and got that referral because part of me was kind of fighting it and saying you know what there’s nothing wrong with me I’m fine I’m absolutely fine you know that and it’s not deny Italy I think because in that phase of denial at that point and so when I was referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic I had to numerous tests done and I was in a way yeah hoping that they would come back clear but I was also hoping that they would come back with the cools so that it could be treated so that we could put an end to the miscarriages and they did all of these tests and everything came back clear and I just couldn’t understand it there was one thing that that came back that was so easily treated with and a baby aspirin cited in pregnancy a woman’s blood clots more than it would to then when she’s in and I am pregnant pregnant state I am but my blood was cutting a little bit more than it should say a simple treatment of aspirin would resolve that and says you know I got pregnant again and took the aspirin and this time in I had some skin as in the early part of the pregnancy but went to hospital got check town we baby had a heart beat and you know things were looking good and I remember the consultant saying now that we’ve detected a heart beat your chances of miscarriage already significantly so called me so (subscribe to find your voice) great the aspens waking and I’ll I’m in the clear because the chance is there really known for this happening again because we’ve detected a hobby and I ate pushed for him to just put me in for another scanned a couple of weeks later and when I went into that scan I just thought this is just routine it was just me asking for it so you know I’m sure it’s fine and I went to in I remember my mom and my sister with me at the time and the doctor kind of came round during the scan and and just took forever and I thought she’s she’s the United a junior doctor why she taking so long to to find the concrete because this is longer than I’ve I’ve ever had to to sit and wait and she does that (subscribe to find your voice) just give me a minute and she kind of worked behind the curtain and brought in the main consultant and he started scanning and I think instantly my mom insisted knew something was wrong but something in me was still saying No Way it’s gonna be a K. E. M. that the more experienced consultant in a fun hobby he he knows what he’s doing and even tend to means that go into this no heart beat now and what’s happened is you had to at and missed miscarriage and that is a miscarriage when the baby has has passed away but it hasn’t left your body yet and it’s like your body hasn’t kind of dealt with it in the way it normally would and seven he said we’ll have to you know put you in for surgery to remain baby and I’m not surgeries an awful said treats cold and the name of it is often a scolding EOC PC which is the evacuation of the retained products of conception and you can imagine hearing those leads and I’ve had other women since just talk about that and say what a way to you know label baby something that people have hoped for and United in the medical sense it’s tend every product of conception but I think that’s a different story so then I was booked in for the following day to you have an that procedure and to the consultant was brilliant he wanted to get that done as soon as possible because he said we can get whatever you know they could extract cental for testing to see if there were any chromosomal abnormalities with the baby and interestingly or if that is tests also came back KM and saying there was nothing you know crime is any wrong so that was pregnancy number four and then we went on to have another pregnancy and I miscarried that pregnancy to so you can imagine just constant roller coaster all of and at first you know if a deep feeling of joy to have gotten pregnant seventy times naturally but then you know so short lived and to lose the baby in the emotion and the Greeks and everything that comes with that M. say then we got pregnant again pregnancy sakes and I sound like a broken record now boat we miscarried that pregnancy Tate so now we’re up to six miscarriages and is probably worth pointing out that these were any miscarriages and an alley miscarriages one that happens before twelve weeks and and they are the most common and tight as a miscarriage there’s any and save (subscribe to find your voice) then you know this one’s emotions going around like how might actually do this (subscribe to find your voice) white is medicine not finding any better answers so that we can treat whatever’s going on because surely something is going on here and but anyway we got pregnant again for the seventh time and this pregnancy felt a little bit different and I go to the twelve week stage and you know they say once you’re at twelve weeks you you’re in pretty much in the clear you’re in safe thing check out twelve weeks and unfortunately my dad passed away or because I didn’t win in time and while he was on holiday said there was not big black (subscribe to find your voice) and I had this feeling inside me like I hadn’t hadn’t told doubt that I was pregnant and he would have seen so (subscribe to find your voice) for the meeting that I got to that stage but anyway then we dealing with the aftermath is as you know only using the person who was might rock in this well and so that was that was really tough because you know this completely mixed emotions that happiness that I’ve got to this safe zone of twelve weeks but then I’ve lost my tenant so yeah that was really tough and then my pregnancy thankfully continued and I was I was so grateful for that and because it was my you know light among store of the grief F. as leasing leasing dance M. pregnancy continued got four months going to five months and the next milestone is a twenty week scan and we have the twenty week scan and this in our Griffin was you know happy she said everything’s looking great counting the fingers and toes and to the Hong basin just said everything is as it should be for this the stage in the pregnancy and if someone is this was the first time that me and my husband actually thought this could happen says bearing in mind we’ve got two twelve twenty weeks US five months into this pregnancy and we hadn’t let ourselves believe that it was possible just because of our history the at this guy and it was like gosh we need to make some lists we need to buy some things we need to get things ready and you know we did just that we started making these lists of things we do Bonnie and which room would be the next three and all of that stuff but now was also short lived because I am not long after that twenty week scan so it seven twenty two weeks I have this awful pain and a little bit of bleeding and we went into hospital got checked out and yes No Griffith sent out I’ve got heart beat babies okay and I thought okay great but on what these pains maybe that’s normal who knows when her and the following day around the same time again had this pain and all of a sudden pretty much out of the plane I realized that I was having contractions two minutes a pot so they just came all of a sudden and and when the two minutes apart that means (subscribe to find your voice) close to having a baby and so we got straight to the hospital and what is broke and the dog to six you know checked me out and he said your baby is coming it was devastating because I thought I was just here yesterday and how is this possible and we’re not in our you know my friend being wheeled into the label won’t directly into the bereavement sweet says that said it will that this baby wasn’t going to survive and we got to the bereavement suite and there were three or four nurses doctors who in there waiting because you know they got the cooler heads baby is coming right now and and all of the sudden after my waters broke the contractions just kind of slow down and then stops and I was really confused at this point I thought is this baby coming now or not is she okay so we were having a go and one of the nurses came in and said I’ll do a scan just to see what’s going on and miraculously our fighting little door to still was still okay she still had a heart beat in that and it’s just that the fluid around Hannah had gone because my what’s that broken and you know the nesses and doctors they said will the fluid around the baby does regenerate itself I still on the course that she’s going to be okay we just need this fluid to regenerate because without today she’s a risk of infection so you can imagine this roller coaster that of it’s okay it’s not okay (subscribe to find your voice) it’s going to be okay and then you know it it’s just reading training because you don’t know if you’re coming or going and so we go through the night and all was well we go through the next day and again the nest checked at baby’s heart beat still there she still doing well and seven as us thinking to noble it’s gonna be alright we just need to get to twenty four weeks because that’s when an a baby’s considered viable and the hospital will help and put around machinery and everything else and if she’s born alive but then the next day something didn’t feel great and and all of a sudden labor started again and I deal with it my sleeping baby and it was it was horrendous because as I say it was such a roller coaster in those few days that the last piece that I was feeling was was hope that it was gonna be okay and then to all of a sudden and just feel have coming and had to be born sleeping was just was just awful and so then in that we lost a second pregnancy I’m not seventh pregnancy while I went through the whole process of labor and because of the timing of it said because it was before twenty four weeks that actually cold and late miscarriage no it’s still bent and there’s something really interesting with the way miscarriage veces still bent whenever I use the web miscarriage to describe that seventh pregnancy in people’s minds I think they think it’s you know the bodies just dissolve the pregnancy and it’s just gone away when I actually in reality most miscarriages that happened after about fourteen weeks M. that are classed as late miscarriages the mom still has to deliver the baby she goes through Leyba United that she has a baby to hold at the end of it and I don’t think the terminology of a late miscarriage makes that Klay M. said that we have this seventh pregnancy also lost and you can imagine you can imagine how I’m feeling at this point and I said to my husband I said this is it I’m not doing this ever again how can I keep putting my body through it it’s this is just horrific and I wouldn’t wish it on anybody and I think I need to take the signs that this just isn’t gonna happen and then we you know that was the immediate aftermath of having our door to him we named GM and then the next step in not Cheney is having a funeral so do we go through that then I know shut us elves away for a little while just to just to process everything that happened and where we where and how we were feeling and in in that time I know I said I saw the flight number never doing it again but I just thought you know well I think I’ve still got it in me I know that I’m gonna have a baby and I just I knew that I would have a baby and so (subscribe to find your voice) probably a good number of months later maybe I think is probably an six months later after seeing as our consultant actually on the NHS this time and a brilliant consultant who I believe was fundamental in my eighth pregnancy he had sent me and he he actually and made it like a personal and Jenny for him to help me have a baby and it’s amazing how these people kind of just coming to your life and help you and and have your call is as that cool was and he can’t force like I say throughout my pregnancy I’m I went on to have a baby and it felt so miraculous I couldn’t I couldn’t believe it and every day in the pregnancy was like let’s just get through today that’s going on today and get free two day an and yes it was it was like something I call and explain and I can if I re wind ever so slightly when I lost GM that something happened for me and on he realized that I was not going to keep her secret because a lot of people around me didn’t know about the miscarriage any miscarriages the I ten or the number of miscarriages I can’t but when I gave birth to GM it was night she’s my daughter I’ve given birth to her I’ve held ten I spent time with her and she’s had a funeral and she has existed in this world and I’m not going to use let’s head name disappear and in doing that I kind of found myself I found you I was again and I started to find my voice and I decided that I was going to start a blog and I started a blog it’s called a drunk name tell and I just I didn’t know if anybody would read it I didn’t actually care if anybody right it because at the time it was just this is me making might stake in the ground this is what I’m being three anally hunt I’m going to do that and she exists and I’m gonna acknowledge that and and I’m gonna remember hat and commemorate yeah whenever I can and I’m gonna say had name and so I started this blog and the first couple weeks it exploded and just donation to how many people were interested in the story he and his then privately shed stance stories with me much soul goodness me a whole well if people ask who (subscribe to find your voice) going through the ice and in fact one in four women experience loss of the baby at all stages and it’s just it was mind boggling that these people are reaching out for support and for just that themselves to raise their voice and eight this has happened to me I I want to put put it out then and says yeah I found the actual therapy in writing that blog and in doing so I created my own little rituals to remember it and G. at and and and in fact I found so many connections with so many people through the blog that it was like a lifeline and it gave me strength it gave me support and equally I think it gave strength and support to so many other people as well so that was that was probably be attending point for me because like I say I would say that helped me reconnect with myself find myself and find my voice and and in that like I say I think there’s a lot of healing in putting this out there Ralph than holding on to this Jenny putting out that accepting it I’m telling people this is this is what’s been going on with me and it’s up to you now how you deal with them and just was miraculous not worked want is for me and so once I I put that block out that it was then that we embarked on the Jenny to the eighth pregnancy and you know as I summarized any at eight eight wait what X. and I’m forever grateful for the people that played a role in me having Simmern and that was just an amazing period in in my life however in having what I always wanted which was my lit child and having this community that I created to and you know a voice in the world I found that I retreated someone says in the T. Symon tend to and a week couple weeks ago and I barely log in those two years and that’s not what I intended I thought I want to blog throughout my pregnancy and throughout mother heads and I want to paint the real picture of what it’s like you know as an didn’t want to gloss over it what’s a normal I wanted to share the story but I didn’t and I couldn’t understand why mommy resisting doing what I want to take and I realized that I was holding on to a lot of guilt because the community night created through my blog and he would reach out to me and who in a similar situation to me I thought life now moved custom not how one can nine nine oh kind of rub it in their faces that what could a baby and I’m having trouble with sleep with a sleeping and all the real you know nitty gritty practical things that happen when you have the baby would come up and I I just felt awful that I’d be putting that out into the community of people who were going through the pain of having a child does that make sense it’s only I had that guilt playing on my mind for so long and it’s now a in the last couple of months that I’ve actually worked through that and and I started talking again and I’ve got so much that I want to talk about and I realized actually in meat processing that guilt that in me sharing my story there is hope thought is a one off people want to hear they want to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel and and I realized that you know my message is bigger than my guilt and my feet is and what I want and the change that I want to see in the world and you know I want people to know that they want a known as they experience baby loss I want people to know who how to have the conversation around baby dolls and saying you know that’s why I was so eager to to talk to you aren and I am and why I thank you for being brave enough to kind of go then I with such and such a topic because it is it is still considered to be you in all communities but I think especially in the Asian community and and you know that this is going out in baby also when this week and I think there’s so much we can be doing to raise awareness of baby loss and help people around us feel less and then and and so over the course all baby loss awareness week on my blog I’m gonna be posting things that people can and be doing to reach out to others and to support the schools and so I encourage people to just follow you and follow along and follow the advice said that you pointed this discussion and and you can be that the people around you he welcoming three the S. M. I. for people who are going through this to know that you are not alone and you’ve got you know a safe space to share your stories and and create the monk if your child only swelled as well and says in a really really long introduction I’m conscious of that are in that way right now today and I have been through this whole Janie and I’m fine he back at the place when I am ready I am back I found my calling I found my pet this and it’s to give a voice to this subject this to bring new subject and and to help people you know feel less alone I am and to break down these barriers that that we we have the most painful area I think well I am just when I got to my own thoughts got a frog in my throat from two PM this is it’s probably been the hardest episode off of us to listen to and I’ll be completely honest I didn’t think it was going to sorry it’s it’s it’s just very difficult to have a and you said someone that you can imagine how free not just because I don’t know how you eight just want to gather my thoughts is one especially just start by saying a massive hopping fifty to simmer for a second birthday thank you that was a part of the story that really cheered me up on my nose run and I often have to edit this staff I just wanna say grinned honestly you are one of the strongest people I’ve ever had the pleasure of speaking with you can pop him avoid shaking right now I mean I just wanted ninety G. for your bravery and honesty and transparency sharing the story first and foremost I’m also as well I think we call to get another very important pace and as part of this process is your husband as well you know I’m I’m just very very happy for you both now that obviously you’ve got similar in your lives as well and I’m sure you know she’s she’s blessed now I have three hundred questions I want to ask you if I may so if we can take you back into one of the C. keep resurfacing these emotions that you’ve been through but I think it will be important for somebody who may be only got to a recurrence stage or maybe just a face miscarriage if that’s okay with you so you had this recurrent miscarriage stage which is obviously when you’ve had three and then you have extra special K. taken could you just maybe sesame your emotions at that point for somebody who’s potentially listening right now yeah of course am I think after the first one it was just sheer disbelief that this has happened and just really raw emotions because like I said up until that point my life was we might not gone so smoothly I was so fortunate and I had never experienced M. life not going my way before so that it was like a real shock I can I can only explain the first one is just being in shock and it started the process of denial because you know nobody wants to accept that the something wrong in medline Steve eight and and so I just thought you know what this stance a one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage okay so I’m not one in four but then the stocks all sense eight that in a second pregnancy you’re likely to go on to you know everything’s gonna be okay so only lived in that space of denial and then you know there’s anything the wrong and until the fed miscarriage that’s when I thought something is wrong how did you feel about yourself hello miss can yeah to be honest I didn’t at any point think on my gosh and this is all my fault there’s something wrong with me and I’m never going to have a baby and (subscribe to find your voice) my goodness I didn’t I didn’t feel that I didn’t I think I have a strong enough person inside myself to note that Blaine isn’t gonna get me out too thanks and it felt like a bit of a mechanical process to say okay so what’s the next step I’m at home I like to solve problems my career to date has been in transformation and we sold we get to the bottom of things and we make things better and I’m not swear I went with this it was like okay he said referring me to this recurrent miscarriage clinic thank you give me the answer is that gonna find me and that the solution and give me the drugs the medicine that I need to get this sorted and so I kind of went into real practical minute but I’d have to say an undertone in the back of my mind was also around my faith say I’ve always had a really strong faith and belief that you know god is working in my life am but at least at this point when I had a miscarriage after miscarriage I thought what is going doing to me now where’s he gone and my faith took every (subscribe to find your voice) battering at that point and and then I it was you know really I was resorting to medicine I was like medicines going to fix this and when that was all coming back Leah I was like so what the hell is going on and it was in this process that I started to teach just reconnect wave with myself and so I actually yeah there’s a whole gamut of emotions going on and against the backdrop of the you know being really practical and let’s get to the solution it there was this real you know S. moving piece of my faith being really knocked and I think that is something that I remember from that period too of stays fast three miscarriages thank you for sure the I just thought I was a really important point hi you didn’t blame yourself and I can only imagine full ladies you have to take this burden on themselves of it for a guy I think we sometimes take for granted we have so little to do in relation to the whole pregnancy thing yeah I think it’s an important message for anyone less than that it’s not your fault and that women can recognize that and I want to just touch on the blog and I I think people should obviously reach out to you dar ES three o’clock obviously there’s a lot more that especially ladies who have going through this and maybe even men as well just to kind of understand what it’s like for the Hoff if they were to have a miscarriage and the important thing there is the healing side and you mentioned obviously you went off the whole block inside because you’re almost feeling guilty and I love that last bit your message is much bigger your message is bigger that people need to head out and like I said it was the most difficult public twenty thirty minutes someone to listen to but that the element of hope at the end is what’s going to really keep those people moving forward so those ladies who are broken who have suddenly countries one of the tragedies is when you see light at the end of the tunnel especially somebody who’s been through a seventh and it’s not a numbers game because I I can only imagine there would just as bad as each of a book in the back of my mind and I’m yet to have kids or not I called imagine what is going to be like if that ever happened to me so Akon sit here and pretend to understand but they would also be the element that if god forbid something did happen on the face the second occasion just knowing that somebody out there has persevered and the eight the tent how did Charlie Connie gives you element of hope if that makes sense hope you come across as insensitive or anything until such thank you for sharing that oversee raise like I mean I wasn’t aware of the statistics one in full we spoke briefly offline I’ve I’ve had people in my family of of the C. miscarried and obviously you’ve had similar experiences also it is of course I think is going to be really important and we will get out of the sea baby less awareness week in trying to see change it but once again I just want to thank you for your bravery sharing that because I don’t know how you said without because my voice is shaking just listening to you so have your you’re very strong and (subscribe to find your voice) courageous woman yeah thank you and if you do if we think about this conversation if you years ago I don’t think I would have been able to send have this conversation with you in the way that I am and and and like I say the bloke was the starting point of mine as me finding my voice and and that’s why you’ll the title of your podcast is just an effect because it is about finding the voice that we have within within us we will have a message that we need to get out into the world big small gigantic and it is finding it connecting with it and having the kind of cuts to just go out there and say I have a message and this is what it is and to use that voice is shaking as it is in because when I was yeah especially when I spoke about my dad I felt myself going then and but yeah it’s hard to and it’s through these you know vulnerable conversations that we reach out to people we connect with people and you know life is about it’s about connecting M. and connecting on among on a deeper more meaningful level and that’s when that’s why change starts to happen obsidian that’s one hundred percent the premise behind the show so the important thing I think and I want people to realize is that nobody story is Monday well nobody story is boring and sometimes we feel like is a story really worth sharing and it is and it could be as tribute it could be a small it doesn’t necessarily need to be seven miscarriages of somebody turning blind of somebody dying to conserve you can just let UP I struggle with this on a daily basis and you’d be surprised how many people that will resonate with and how many lives that connects you chain so am I love the way that you do and if I’m ever going to have a co host you would definitely be first on my list yeah but really what I want to ask you know if I may just segue ever so slightly is a what I find fascinating about your story was a lot of the stories of had (subscribe to find your voice) from people who have had to build resilience from a very young age so if people that I’ve either come into dysfunctional families or they’ve been given disabilities as a young person or they just have a lot of trauma going through life using your was you’ve had quite an easy life in terms of everything was going fine up until they see the messy stage of your life so for someone like that and I’m always interested to realize how some people can get over certain problems you obviously wasn’t given the opportunity to build resilience so in that first moment of say miscarriages something fresh right wrong how did you persevere through that just that particular moment and what are the main lesson is that you get from it yes I do I think for me I am I’m quite self (subscribe to find your voice) went and I eat reflects and I’d like to kind of process things and for me getting through the fast miscarriage and opened my eyes and it shocked me to realize that you know life doesn’t always go your way okay so what are we gonna do about it and I think you could end up stuck in that place and (subscribe to find your voice) gosh this is happened to me how the hell like many of my life now when she got sick and maybe that’s because of my upbringing it’s so what I’ve always put it back to me now what can we do how you can eat I am I gonna live the rest of my life feeling like this or am I going to work through it and process everything that’s coming up for me and in a way that is dealt with so that I can now move forward because you know I’m all about moving forward and this Jenny in life is you know S. one step at a time going in one direction we don’t want to keep stepping back and so I would say Miami self awareness and my ability to reflect and is what’s helm helped me build resilience from that very fast miscarriage on woods that’s fantastic and just moving on then so you’ve obviously face some of the biggest fears in your life not just only using your dad (subscribe to find your voice) my deepest condolences for that as well (subscribe to find your voice) but also with the with these horrible miscarriages in this precise moment right now that no in everything that you know and being able to self reflective be self aware what’s your biggest fear (subscribe to find your voice) Miami biggest via have you seen a movie called up it’s an animation yeah so that means he can help me answer this question at noon so it’s based on a a young gal she’s adventurous she’s fearless and she’s created this kind of book has big dreams and things she wants to do in life and but is she’s got older there and and settle down have book of dreams kind of gets shelved and life just don’t to happen and she gets old she passes away and a book of dreams is left unfulfilled and I would say that is my worst fear that all of these things this so many things that I want to date and I have since such big dreams and change that I want to see and United change I want to inspiring people in our community that my biggest fear would be to look back on my life and thing bloody hell I didn’t do it I let fear get in the way or I net something stopped me when not to me United that that’s why I’m here I’ve I found my purpose in Israel adversity and and I just need to go and you know if it now and say yes that would be my feet to not live the life that I know I want to lay is and write the message that I want to spread and inspire the change that I want to you and inspire because I want an essence as me to be left on this planet when I’m no no yeah and United not that would be that would be magical for me and this is of you left on the planet love it and (subscribe to find your voice) just on the actually so as you were saying that it it is through adversity that we actually came out because give so this whole notion now if you wanted to leave a massive dental the Wilden tron is five so so many people may not even be possible if you hadn’t of country or the adversity that your country absolutely I completely I completely agree with that and and if not we’ll comes down to mindset as well say it and not seeing the address city as the bed in that war why is this happened to me all my calls my life’s a vial you know and Ron then seeing it like that and look for the landing in the in that city look for a gift that’s a gift in that some way if we look for it and if we deck to look for it and so do I completely I’m on the same page with you than that in your address to you can find so much if you choose to go into the depths of it if we dare to look for it I love that brand so obviously that kind of explains your motivation and inspiration have you got any metrics on now or is it the tree just one day at a time you just trying to maybe change the minds of somebody else what what do you have like I want to for example change a billion people’s lives do you have anything like that when your vision Bordeaux goes I do you have sufficient one right next to me he feeling you would do and so I don’t have metrics like that but I do you have and I do I do want to start to break down the barriers and in all communities in the Asian community in particular and tackling this subject and not making it to be (subscribe to find your voice) anymore people need to talk about a one in four people going through this and we need to be able to have the right to conversations around it so the only one to equip people with the ability to have those right conversations and I give you a bit of a backdrop to that so when all you would tell people about my miscarriage is like you know like I said I didn’t tell everybody about every single one because I didn’t want to and I thought they can I think I’m a broken record and you know it I’m just going to be met with the really insensitive comments on some of the comments that I have if you don’t mind me sharing them all things like (subscribe to find your voice) well at least you can get pregnant at least it was a lady at least it was just a miscarriage my friend had ten miscarriages and now she’s go baby so don’t worry it’ll happen seeing old due to happen because she was stressed I am all I know someone who had to still Beth at nine months can you imagine how much worse studies those with some of the things that people said to me and every single one of the it is is not what you say to somebody who has just lost a baby at any stage of pregnancy don’t say and and so I want to move the dial on having more educated conversations around this way women and men feel supported unsafe to be able to use and explore what is coming up for them and and you know use the voice and in change and to change the people around them so that they all back to supporting it because this is a a painful Janie in a law office and I’m going to go through it and given the stance that that we’ve mentioned just in relation to what you just said that I mean the very insensitive comments for not light I actually I’m doing a separate part cast with them three of my friends on a tangent and it’s about men’s mental health so about men sharing the vulnerabilities in terms of not always having this provido and if you want to cry we can cry if you want to set a common emotional person for example and it’s not just to make what the man away that it’s okay but it’s also to let our sisters our mothers I would do is know why we are the way we are and we recently had the same kind of conversation where it’s kind of like you can come home and you could say for example I’ve got a headache and then all of a sudden the person who lives in that environment may say oh well I’ve had a headache since yesterday I mean I’m just kind of comparison game or my pain is worse than you’ll pay and in that moment the last thing you want to head that is about how you like these bad and so was always live because at the end of the day you just care about your own pain in that moment I think we almost become desensitizing insensitive to that and acknowledging it and I’m not sure if people say out of my day so don’t think everyone does I think some people just trying to think of the positive in almost trying to change it but I think that needs to change because they aren’t the right examples that you should be saved someone should be present when somebody says something like that we are gonna T. segue then to you a bit of a fun politician and I kind of do this just to kind of give the listeners a bit more about your personality because obviously I’m aware that some of the stories are quite talking to motive so I’m just going to set the time agreeing that and for ninety seconds I’m gonna ask you a quick fire round of multiple choice questions so are you ready yes I’m ready okay fantastic so we’re gonna go in three two one if you could abolish one thing in the world what would it be I’m kind your favorite book the source why you see pretty good at that nobody knows banking your biggest role model my dad’s what would you like to be remembered for inspiring change and helping people live the lives that they were meant to live your biggest goal this year to start using my voice again while I’m finding it coke or Pepsi I don’t drink fizzy drinks but let’s say coke your favorite TV show ever breaking bad love it if one person in the road for an hour he would be all I’m going to use him again for my dad died laughing now back with him move us forward would you rather know how you would die when you would die how your number one piece of advice to simmer follow you home listen to the voice within because it always nice the way the ability to fly or be invisible being visible the number one thing that annoys you people not listening not taking the time to listen many of fame thanks your favorite food Pringles would you rather speak four languages we’ll be able to speak to animals (subscribe to find your voice) speak to animals if you had an extra hour a day how would you spend it being a complete child messing around with Sam ran with no K. as worries about anything else in the world I’m finally would you like to be able to read minds or predict the future read minds how amazing would that be that’s my answer is often knowledge that will be the greatest gift ever yes okay bring it somewhere almost coming towards the end of the show and I so just two more questions if I may so dean FM believe at the hindsight is a wonderful thing and obviously upon reflection we can always think of ways to get to where we are quicker easier Willis heartache taken on board if you could go back maybe to a younger you maybe before the address T. was gonna happen in your life and you can just whisper something in you is for the events that would lay around unfold what would you say I would say it’s going to be a K. E. trust it he’d been gone has got you I’m finally this question ask one of my guess is about legacy so let’s say in a hundred fifty years time science house to save a soul I know that exist is a book and this book is about you and about your life and all the way to wonderful amazing things that you can you well what they see what with the title of the book saying exactly what the blade at the back tell us about you I think the title would have to be a truck name type because that says it all for me and I’m the plant at the back would be something along the lines of one woman’s courageous Jenny through in the majestic mine field we cool life for Ron overcoming adversity finding her voice and I’m discovering her true calling she shows us the absolutely anything is possible when you live in hope and that you sold me the way I think I should write that down yeah I’ll tell you all do all right down for you know Cindy one seven part cast really I’m just before I get the list as a chance to obviously connect you and and check out your blog other any questions that you wish I had asked you today yes okay so all of those things that I rattled off thing people sent all these things to me and it was awful and I don’t wanna hear anybody say that again maybe it’s with me saying what I would have liked people to saying instead yeah it is one of the thing actually about speaking to people about baby loss for me somebody saying or if that is insensitive things is one thing but something that had me even more was spent people didn’t say anything and it created this renewal distance because it’s like the young men in the room I’ve got something really big that’s happening for me and you are failing to just even acknowledge it and so do you in my experience I would say do say something take somebody’s going through this and all you have to do is be compassionate and you know reach out send them a message and say just say something like I am he if you mean this I’m here for you and I don’t know if you don’t know what to say be honest with it and say I really don’t know what to say but I’m willing to be here with you in whatever capacity you need just let me know and you’re doing so many things then you on reaching out you’re being honest by saying you don’t know what to say and that this is uncomfortable for you as well but you are saying that you are willing to put yourself out then and give the pass and whatever they choose from you and that might be most likely and somebody’s going through any form of adversity doesn’t want you doesn’t want anybody to sit with them under real off potential anses or have you tried days what do you do this I know someone who did this we don’t want to hear that we want to do is speak is B. with what we are feeling and share it and have you hold that space which makes it safe for us to do that and for you to invest the time in just being then I’m listening I’m showing that your understanding and you’re willing to and then if it’s something that you don’t know much about an animal said that you were willing to you know when a baby has been born in sleeping way you aren’t able to save the baby’s name a neck millage then and support your friend family member and in commemorating their baby at key milestones and just being then in a deeper way than United the blanket responses that people typically tend to tend to give so that would be the last bit but I want to share how the conversation and be willing to be that the somebody going through any form with it at the density and be willing to just sit with them as they experience a multitude of emotions good bad ugly don’t judge them to sit and be with them and make it safe for them to be with these emotions because that like I said before is quite a healing happens that’s a really really important (subscribe to find your voice) point there and just playing devil’s advocate ever so slightly it’s it’s probably difficult people may think that you don’t want them to bring it out for example so we spoke briefly about episode two Jan when he speaks about the death of the system and ITS these acts in question I said would you like it if we spoke about your system he says I never forget that my sister died in every day I I live dot so actually if you were to mention her once in awhile and say you know how you will have you thought about her or tell me a little bit about who we just like you’ve just said is beautiful people just to speak and share in a safe place and listen and understand yeah I think that’s a really important thing and obviously I can say now in hindsight knowing that I notice you’ve just re offend as well somebody else’s been trip a lot of trauma that you would prefer to speak like do you feel about a lot of people don’t know that if that makes sense because I was probably one of those people especially being a shy and I just posted the last thing I would want to do is bring up a subject if I think it’s gonna make somebody cry or upset what you what she’s saying and jin said the same of many other people have is always that it allows you to heal yeah I think I think that’s really really important so and that’s something that is simply not giving and the person who’s going through the invest your choice so you can start off any dialogue with them by saying you know it’s up to you if you want to go that but I just wanted to know that this is you know I want you to know that this is what I’m thinking and but it’s up to you if you want to go then and leave it to them because then they may say H. no I’m having a really tough day today and I don’t want to go then but ask me again later on and or they may say yes of course I’d love to talk to you about whatever is this coming up for them and there’s something really powerful in giving choice to the person that is going through a difficult time because a lot of things in my life probably don’t feel like they have a choice or they feel a bit out of control but at least give them some choice and some control in having a conversation or not and I’m just respect that runs a so if somebody says not today because I can I just call until with it today all I don’t want to go then not so okay then not being horrible two you could just saying they confiscate emotionally take care but that doesn’t mean don’t ask them again at some point and yes a give them a choice ask the permission if it’s okay to go with that I’m just respect the answer absolutely nothing a spread out think the choice of control thing definitely makes a lot more sense so it thank you for sharing that is there anything else that you maybe want to say we the listeners with given that it’s paid less awareness week just follow my posts because I’ll be sharing more tips and things on what to say what not to say reaching out to put putting someone statistics and then and and just help me in breaking down this an topic which is such a to be you and it doesn’t need to be I’ll be really useful you just went to some great tips on helping us on the things that we need to say always certainly be support not myself I’m going to just before you go could you just give us the best place people can contact you according to help dot com I’m on Instagram I’m new to Instagram so bear with me a truck name tied and Facebook page attracting type okay fantastic so (subscribe to find your voice) I just want to take this moment again just to acknowledge you and thank you so much for sharing your story eight year old father grinned as always you can learn a lot more from that so for ever to hold thank you for listening thank you and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day baby loss awareness overcoming miscarriage baby loss awareness overcoming miscarriage baby loss awareness overcoming miscarriage baby loss awareness overcoming miscarriage baby loss awareness overcoming miscarriage baby loss awareness overcoming miscarriage baby loss awareness overcoming miscarriage baby loss awareness overcoming miscarriage baby loss awareness overcoming miscarriage baby loss awareness overcoming miscarriage baby loss awareness overcoming miscarriage baby loss awareness overcoming miscarriage baby loss awareness overcoming miscarriage baby loss awareness overcoming miscarriage baby loss awareness overcoming miscarriage baby loss awareness overcoming miscarriage baby loss awareness overcoming miscarriage baby loss awareness overcoming miscarriage baby loss awareness overcoming miscarriage baby loss awareness overcoming miscarriage baby loss awareness overcoming miscarriage baby loss awareness overcoming miscarriage baby loss awareness overcoming miscarriage baby loss awareness overcoming miscarriage baby loss awareness overcoming miscarriage