How to overcome childhood trauma and how “Alcohol saved her life” by Nancy Legere #96
Healing from trauma, being compassionate to others and forgiving ourselves are just some of the incredible points we tackle in this episode. Nancy bravely shares her story of childhood abuse and speaks about the things so many of us, who have gone through adversity need to know and do. We all need to heal, we all need to forgive ourselves and we all need to continue to shine our light on the world and find our voice.
From reading her forward in her book, I myself was in tears. Unable to comprehend how people can openly abuse or hurt others is still beyond me, but one thing I know is, that is on them! For anyone who may feel they are the fault, of any abuse or trauma, you are not. Nobody has the right to make you feel any less a person or to abuse your boundaries. I am also so grateful to have met Nancy as she is such a beautiful person who I felt a deep connection with via our talk.
I urge you all to check her book out and to use the lessons we bravely discuss in this episode to help yourselves move forward and heal from this trauma too.
Important time stamps:
[07:10] The importance of speaking about trauma (finding your voice)
[20:11] What to do if you are going through trauma
[29:30] Finding the silver lining in our adversity
[36:00] Would life be easier with adversity?
Episode on forgiveness:
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everybody and all walks of life have a story we don’t know what it is when we need them we don’t know why they’re the way they are sometimes just saying somebody that you matter by noticing the the young them you don’t know you may have to save that person’s life for that day because that person that’s in front of you could be saying okay when I get home you know I I’m done I’ve had enough I’m going to swallow all until they can find and that’ll be it welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what’s going on everyone thank you for tuning in to another episode of find your voice my name is iron and as always I am the host of the show so I’m delighted to welcome Nancy on today’s episode of find your voice hi Nancy has an incredible story we just had a brief conversation just prior to me pressing the record button full find your voice you somebody who has overcome trauma and adversity in her life she was dealt cards that maybe some of us would assume would not necessarily the best college in life but what she’s done is with the perseverance and without finding her own voice and expressing that through our own book an incredible by the way she’s not helping other people and inspiring with the people that they can in the midst of whatever they’re going through in their life overcome that so before I keep rambling on because it’s going to be a lot more interesting hearing from the lady herself Nancy how you doing today I’m doing very well thank you I’m so happy that you’re sharing your your platform with me and allowing me to share my voice I just found not that long ago actually you’re very very welcome and this is exactly why do the show is to give people like yourself a voice because our story is worth sharing definitely your messages I’m set and I’m a hundred percent on the list is going to take something from it so one of the things I’m always interested in learning about I guess that is why we do what we do I’m always intrigued and see what shakes a person’s life in terms of the way that they do for example myself why have I suddenly gone into podcasting and is because of my adversity from the past it is to help other people find their voice as I I myself go on this journey of finding my own voice so what I want to know is and I’m sure the list of the really eager to hear more from you rather myself is a little bit about yourself Nancy love about your story and what brings you here today find your voice well my my story started when I was seven years old I was raped by a neighbor and it changed my entire perception of what line or normal life would become for me I am I struggled through most of my teenage years luckily alcohol kept me alive I and I and I say that because I I’m not the point quickly became an alcoholic alcohol kept me alive you’re my teenage years without it I would have more than likely have committed suicide I I struggled throughout most of my life but yeah I mean I’m sorry if you’re like someone who had it all together %HESITATION I came across as very confident and even somewhat aggressive in in in my approach and and at the same time very intimidating because I didn’t want people to connect with me on an emotional level I wanted everybody to stay away and %HESITATION the reason I wrote my book is bad after finding a partner in light Jeez now my wife right we have probably about fifteen years together and and I realize that there’s a big age gap between the two about and I yeah I realize that we probably had more years behind that then what we would possibly have had about so I decided that I eat it was time for me to find a way can be in the moment every moment of every day with that person and then I will go well I never knew that it was even possible for me to be able to love anybody and or anybody even Love Me Jimmy I retirement I grew up that way I grew up feeling like that and I try to compensate in every way that I could I I had a job that I really love him because I knew I was good at it and %HESITATION and and I excelled in so I I I I took a lot of pride in my work even though I had no formal education other than high school right this was a turning point for me I I had gone for counselling your working years I’m in my mid twenty %HESITATION after I am recovering alcoholics anonymous because now that I no longer had alcohol you know me true I couldn’t function I mean I I couldn’t function in the real world I I learnt very quickly to live in what I call my logical without having to deal with any of the motion I mean you basically as long there’s no you’re you’re kind of on an even keel all the time but there’s no option there’s no down you don’t feel during that you just go through every day and another day but I wanted to be present I wanted to know what it was right to you know log in and and you feel part of something here and and have a life with somebody so I fifty when I started writing my book in preparation for a legal trial because at fifty I decided that in order for me to deal with all of the drama that I had I I filed a lawsuit against my abuser well lots of but I have never ever spoken about it I have to find a way to find my voice if you put my story together and that’s how the book was born and and it took our about three years I’m writing a I had no intention of ever writing a book this is the only way that I know how to communicate with the progress that I was working went and your and and I and I everybody that I had shared part of my story went right now I need the collision and that’s what I do and I just found out that my story it’s certainly not unique and and people like me we need to talk about it when I’m alive this will never go away Jane will be there forever they made me you know we need to stop Michael and that’s why I’m doing what I’m doing now five the C. thank you for sharing that because I know some of the is a very E. motive and traumatic experience of your childhood but it’s also what makes you who you are today the amazing person that you are in the something is you said it at the end this is a unique thing your story and this is really what every time I hear the stories and every time I interview somebody like yourself I’m not getting any more desensitized to it like it’s still I still feel that and I still feel that pain and it breaks my heart that these travesties is still going on I mean I’ve worked as a social worker my past life I’ve got siblings have come from the caste system all with their own levels of abuse and I just I can’t comprehend that so it’s difficult but I’m so grateful at the same time that you’ve obviously come one to share your perspective because one of the things I want listeners to god there is none sees perspective maybe different say for example to mine off of the advice to V. B. three but you can always pick up something from every single person and you said some incredible things SO I’m just gonna kind of recap I think like a sky brain so they give me I’m gonna do all over the place I’m so intrigued by the story so one thing I never thought ever hear anyone say is alcohol kept me alive but obviously you explain that in terms of the other side of it would have been suicide so thankfully alcohol did keep you alive in obviously never complete suicide so extremely grateful for that is the only time I would be grateful Falco keeping anyone alive you also mentioned some really interesting stuff which I think I could probably relate to unless the scalp but definitely people out there who have been through what you’ve been through is that your appearance on the outside seems that you have it all figured out for example I sit here and I do a podcast with yourself over screen when six months ago I was too nervous to even look at the past and so everything was audio based problems before that a podcast was like no chance in hell I’m ever doing a podcast so we would have our own sort of is I ease or obstacles or levels of growth that we have to go through and it’s just a shame that yours was I don’t I don’t use the red damaged but if you were you were felt like you were damaged and you are broken to an extent that you have to have these so the mechanisms in place just to kind of function throughout the world but what I want to jump into more so and I think it’s really amazing I see that you came to the show right when you came on not because I’m fast approaching a hundred episodes on the show and live number one goal I wrote when I started this show was my hundredth episode is gonna be my story my story was mainly about forgiveness because of my investigative never really shared with the Rhode Island when I was reading your forward of the of your book there was a bit where you just mentioned that way at the age of fifty started writing this book three is in but then you also went for the lawsuit against your reviews at and I want to touch on the forgiveness side if I may and I’m assuming that was what you needed to heal yourself from in terms of the abuse that you had gone through would you mind just expanding ever so slightly on that didn’t help in terms of dealing with being able to forgive the individual not an obviously the three year process if you could just kind of dive it slightly into that because I’m really interested to know how you overcame that I’m not sure I ever forgave him or even needed to person I needed to for game one of my cell because at that young age at seven the only way that I could make sense of all the ones that we have done something very wrong like to be me the only thing that makes and your the lawsuit what are the greatest yeah even know after four and a half years I chose to walk away from it it took three years to even get a discovery hearing which one very first time I ever verbally what happened to me and I I the reason I walked away from the law because we live in in the legal system it’s not a job number and it’s very awards just keeping grinding or as long as they can until somebody eventually walked away and one December my lawyer called me and and %HESITATION we had made different you get moved to try to get this going and he called me and he said you know you guys are coming after us really hard %HESITATION they’re going to be dragging people in and that that we’re not involved in the beginning when they were going to attack my family as well and even if we one is judgment they were also going after all of my records from the two or three psychologists and and special special to people that I had %HESITATION hired throughout the years to work with me they wanted all of their client notes relating to my case as well absolutely everything even if it didn’t relate that all day they were going after all of it and he had left me feeling really vulnerable there was a lot of a I mean you’re going to therapy being told that anything you stay here and protect it it won’t go anywhere that’s not the case okay when when when you get into the legal unfortunately here in Canada they have access to that information I wasn’t aware of that so we have been fighting that %HESITATION over three years now and oh my god no four and a half years and my lawyer said that you know it’s totally up to you %HESITATION I’m willing to keep fighting for you if you if you want to continue and %HESITATION but he said even if we win after all of that you said I can guarantee you that we need more it’ll drag on for another year after the two year and even if we win collecting any kind of gentlemen in another legal battle and could go on for years again so he can it’s up to you and by the time I had already done a lot of healing with that it had given me the voice that I needed and I was looking for and I I no longer needed to go after him yeah really he he wasn’t even in the picture anymore okay it had nothing to do with him anymore he certainly had paid the price sure okay even four and a half years of legal battle for him Moneywise a lot of money I come from a very small town and everybody there pretty much got my ball so everybody knew even though I don’t mention his name in the book %HESITATION and and people know who you can go anywhere now without ever wondering when somebody looks at and they know you know like have they read the book right what do they know where are they you know so he kerma product with them why I no longer even needed to deal with him I I I had made peace with that part and I just needed to learn how to forgive myself because even today I still have %HESITATION days where there’s a lot of doubt %HESITATION where I beat myself up first name and I don’t have to deal with the BGS you know probably will for the rest of my life because there will be triggered I hate that I hate putting at label myself so I’m always contact even even with the anxiety I’ve always wanted I am not against medication %HESITATION but I have a tremendous team of professional people working with me which is what I made sure I had when I started during and a lot of them are holistic practitioners and of course I have to share with them part of my story so that they know what my limitations were and and knew how to work with me and that I did all that in writing right you know could not voice my story and I I did have an amazing group of people working with me and and I rejected them every time I need them and they’re always there to support me and and some of them are family some of them are have become friends I am a social worker that works with me on a regular basis I have an acupuncturist that dies die healing touch and ranking and a lot of these services can be done virtually as well and because just because the world as we knew we knew it dot my issue didn’t %HESITATION I found other ways working with it and that and get it done amazing work with me and and I’m so grateful but I mean one of the fortunate people that through my entire life people have shown up when I needed them even when I didn’t want them they were there people have given me small where I can feel safe and and kind of regroup and move on to the next stage in my story my entire life and and I wanted to honor those people in my book as well and and how important your main connection integral connection but a human connection absolutely fine in a minute let’s see welcome people just being there for people and offering their support having an ear to listen to or just speaking I mean this is something that I try to do on the mental health spaces especially not just for PTSD for anxiety or depression or whatever people are going through sometimes having their relationships around you the positive relations where you can be a sound board %HESITATION just have someone to reach out to that massively massively help so I’m so glad that you have done it’s beautiful how you always seem to just point out the positives for a while I have you go with Tracy said you are a very lucky person in terms of you had the right people coming at the right time sadly for some people they may not have those kind of opportunities where they can have done and my heart goes out to them but you also said some incredible stuff that I need to I need to say it again because it’s so important is not the giving yourself is the key that resonates with me so much because in less you forgive yourself and you hear yourself you call me forward in life everything you’re doing it it’s almost like tainted if that makes sense and I’m just speaking from my experience here as well I was not the same person I am not well prior to when I went through my adversity but almost three years I was overly aggressive I was putting a mask on I was trying to be the pet I was trying to be someone almost like a defensive pessimists running defend myself I suppose when I look at it in hindsight and that’s not a great place to be because it takes about one of our natural abilities and a natural beauty for myself so I love that and also how you said when you verbally said it that’s when you start to really help you in terms of like the heating and stuff and you mentioned writing so one of the things I always encourage people to find your own medium in terms of if it is writing if is journaling absolutely do that if you speak into the microphone to people across the road to that as well because I find when I speak to people like yourself it gives me a level of gratitude as well and I mean that with all due respect that I hear in adversity they’re vested that you been three sorry and it makes me just appreciate my life as well from my perspective so I hear through these processes I learned from yourselves all this stuff was running down I keep on Joe’s I need occupancy pace and nine I need somebody for this and I think these are really really important so going back to my point if somebody’s going through something like what you’ve gone through obviously what my philosophy of social philosophies that we want to hear them or get them healing as soon as possible not to wait so many years beyond their life what would you recommend to somebody who’s going through this because I know one of the fast things having spoken to people previously is the same kicks in or the feeling that this is my photo well I’ve made this happen and I don’t want them to put up on me saying that it doesn’t bring as much value as somebody like yourself saying as you’ve been through that armored front desk the most important thing is to find somebody to talk to even if they do all the talking it doesn’t matter just fine they right where you can allow yourself to naturally grow and I’ve gone through the system I you know I I I spent time in in the thank you after your when I was in my early twenties because I was being a danger to myself and they put me in touch with people that word we know where’s trained to deal with my insurance right away because I mean forty years ago even thirty years ago nothing was known about the very little went even known about addiction so I was diagnosed as having borderline personality disorder simply because I didn’t want to talk and impolite I didn’t want to talk so I I would be diagnosed me with and okay now if you’re not comfortable and I’ve learned that through my recovery you’re my journey I’ve met some amazing people I eventually ran into Matt I called in my mid twenty that worked with me for four years and the first two years I went to see her every second weekend she made herself available on weekends I went to see her and I never said a word for two years but she gave me a safe place to be for that one hour and eventually we found a way to communicate and she offered me to %HESITATION check me going for like fifteen years before I require help again don’t be afraid to reach out to somebody give it a try not a good fit keep looking now your stock went wrong one of the people that that will be there for you and in my case it needed to be all women nothing personal yeah of course it just for me in order to feel safe it needed to be all women and they were there I made myself open to it and they were there and I still struggle with a lot of areas in my life but I’m okay now I am okay with the fact that I need trouble and I’ve also had to learn I am I’m the type of person that I I basically I don’t want to change your I find everything I know I can’t find it anymore and I don’t like the fact that I have to take time out and medicate if you wanna call it that or get myself grounded I wish it was just a normal thing for me but it’s not it takes work and and not have to adapt to that and and I’m not always very good at it right I’ve gotten into I found things that helped me enjoy even if it’s just ten minutes a day I feel happy and and for me it in nature all right the warehouse if you waited we have a wooded backyard and so it brings out a lot of small creatures and little animal and and I’m actually grown up even last year had a wild center that I was able to train to come right up to the door and thank you %HESITATION these are all connection that I needed to learn how to make and become comfortable with and so every day I try to spend at least ten minutes if it’s not nice enough for me to be outdoors right and we be there and and cracked the door open and listen and it made me angry right now it so you’re really quiet out there that you can hear everything you can hear a branch cracked so it’s making me become mindful I become connected I’m noticing these things I’m allowing my stance in being awakened and it also plays a part in you mean you during my time I’m going to be okay and I know I’m going to be okay people will always be there for me I’ve grown to believe that absolutely I don’t think it’s just the people as I think you’ve got the creatures knocking on your door check in upon your visit on and see what’s really well actually I I talk about one of them in my book and and it was active and I call her Charlotte and actually reaching out all over the weekend I used to post it on Facebook and and and now I’ve got world that come around and sometimes I can keep them out of my hand and sometimes they’re a little bit but it’s all part of my healing journey I I mean I I’ve had to make changes to adapt to the way that I’ve I’ve become I I found about ten twelve years ago that I struggled working in a nine to five office environment and it was becoming extremely difficult for me so I created my own your own I became a virtual account and I was again fortunate because I had made contact along the way and and these people were there to help me get it up and and get going and now I work from home and I don’t need to prepare myself when I go out I thank her for I am drawing different groups and one of them is in a group for professional women entrepreneurs and and but I still need to put like prepare myself when I go there because loud noises can trigger me %HESITATION I I become anxious but become nervous everything I drafted my life around what some people call imitation or not limitations for me that if they never get I’m just a doctor my life around I love the perspective that you take on the and one of the things I’ve noticed from your story as your as you’re telling it is you’re always taking that first step in terms of going to seek help from somebody or going out there and start an online business for example you’re always trying to be a little bit proactive and it’s taken those first few steps that are to the rest of the steps people will actually come and help you along the way and I always say the first up is always the hardest step and even even with mologen nothing as a guy growing up especially in Asian family as well we don’t talk about my feelings it’s not something that you’re supposed to be doing and I was kind of the first one to come just out I’m going to do it I’m lucky up kind of paved the way for my younger brother and younger generation around me and some of the Asian community where they can I feel that they can take that first step and would you take that first step it becomes so much easier actually being you a soft light I would sometimes for life the more I am myself the more people hill and the more people I help out there and I’m saying this from a male perspective so a lot of my younger brother just what’s been going on for example and I used to do a lot of boxing so it’s a bravado sports a tough mind sport and I used to love Jim but when they hear me say well actually I watch an episode of this is us and it makes me cry because I thought it was something I was missing in my life for me or my wife calls me wifey because I’m I’m the most emotional one in the relationship they they get strength from not because that is like %HESITATION so I’m not you’re right and I’m allowed to feel this way so that’s not something that I do not and I love the way you’ve done everything that you’ve done and you’ve you’ve not seen as a limitation your gain always trying to find a silver lining throughout your story so I can put in points I just wanna recapping for anyone listening make sure you find a safe place and that you can whoever it is whether it’s somebody already within your society will you save quite a few have to go externally by all means do it we need to heal ourselves we need to get out there and find a voice how will we need to do something that’s really important and you also said it very very poor one not to say no with something makes you feel uncomfortable and ten minutes a day to do something you love as well I mean in the grand scheme of things that’s not less than a percent of the day yes some of us go through life not even doing that %HESITATION and I think one of the blessings I found in isolation is people having to spend time with themselves so having to think of the things to keep in mind ticking and nature’s won’t be my wife absolutely loves going for walks I’m not so much of a nature person I get allergies like hay fever I’m not on you to stay indoors but again I found my solace incretin videos I I like storytelling so just like crane automation videos and whatever is for anyone I think we need to find that so that’s really really important so fantastic stuff that I want to ask you then I just somebody who I see regardless of what comes in your way you will take the first step to move forward and you will find a silver lining given all the adversity that you’ve been through in your life this call back to you just the childhood trauma if if we may I’m looking I’m not looking at it from hindsight perspective what lesson would you take from that that you are truly grateful for is there anything I wouldn’t change anything in my life because I wouldn’t be the person that I am without any of it there was never anybody really done that I could blame except for the abuser and all that like even even my family and I can’t blame them for anything that happened I come from a generation of people never talked about that people it just I mean forty years ago there is nothing other than about any of that and most of the time I’m I’m probably not the first generation that that it happened to either I just happened to be the one that had decided that I was going to break the cycle and there’s one thing that I always wanted people you never know the impact you’re going to have on somebody’s white and it can be as little as just and knowledge income one if you’re out and about somewhere you know at I know that the last few years I’ve constantly been making an effort to acknowledge people when I when I’m in front of them whether it’s a cashier at the grocery store whether it’s a lawyer and I’m in front of everybody in all walks of life have a story we don’t know what it is when we need them we don’t know why they were there right away they are sometimes just saying somebody that you matter by noticing the the young them you don’t know you may have to save that person’s life for that day because that person that’s in front of you could be saying okay when I get home you know I I’m done I’ve had enough I’m gonna swallow all until they can find and that’ll be it but somebody interrupted back along the way just by saying Hey how are you or you’re not in your hands thank you you’re there yeah my my partner gave me early on in our relationship the doctor’s two thing and Amazon on the really nice during the the world you’re only one person but to one person you are the world and you know I I often talk about my grade four teacher that was the first time I think that I ever felt turning your back and she did nothing special for me she treated me just like she did every other student but she treated every single like they were special you made them feel mark you made them feel like they could accomplish anything and I I sent her a letter last year the year before telling her that and I mean that was like many many moons ago and she was so surprised and so honored that I would recognize her in that way because to her that was her draw so we just we never know who we were going to encounter and sometimes just a simple hello and actually looking at somebody not just kind of walking by with like a way you can and knowledge them that they matter because so often that saved my life yeah well that’s incredible then again are I call echo the anymore and the importance of it is that you can knowledge meant I’ve just gained a human interaction just showing someone even for that slight moment that you care about them you take because time is our most important commodity something that would never going to get back so when you can give that to somebody it’s it’s so so special %HESITATION and as you’re saying I was thinking of like my economics teacher one of the first teacher had a profound effect on my life because I was very shy kid and he could see that he’s probably only teach you could actually see the and he would always openly make sure he would never ask me a question in front of the class because I hate reading out in front of people and it’s little things out on his way and you said that because I want to go I think is about six months ago was like on linked in and I was doing the best that we can know that I really wanna just messaging because one of the things off by doing and it was a guest who came on my show episode before Joshua who has who has an illness whereby he’s life expectancy is very very low and he and he’s an amazing amazing person I’m one of the things he does on a daily basis is how messy someone in his phone book a friend or family I just tell them what he appreciates about him and when he first told me that because I got one of those what sent messages I find it really strange because I didn’t know how to react to it from being completely honest all that out okay thank you like it was really nice it’s become a habit now I will always check up especially in isolation %HESITATION I. messaging people I’m saying how are you and it is so important because stress I’d I’d love that when you say does get a bit load up and I just think it’s so important and I had a phone call yesterday I’m you got you got me going nine and Nancy but I had a phone call yesterday from someone or not I know me shy away from phone calls because I’m very much at home what’s up and I prefer just the conversation face to face phone conversations %HESITATION I don’t really perform but anyway I just decided to pick the focal normally I would ignore it the text saying sorry Mister court is everything okay so I answered this phone call and it was just that I’m a lady who %HESITATION looking to get into some deals together for real estate and she just rang nothing about business nothing about money nothing about anything just to see how me and my wife were doing and we spoke for about how for now and instead you wanna come off the phone I was like I was so lovely and the wife is like that’s unusual for you to have a conversation with that I just feel so good not so happy that somebody on on you know downside if you’d like we’re not as close to say like my cousins all my brothers and my siblings took time out of their day to see how I was doing and it made me think it made me feel alive for the rest of the day so if we can do that for any single place not that it’s it’s a beautiful gift so thank you for that you get you got me excited anyway I need to get back to the show you’re meant to some brilliant points that in relation to you all having only to blame the abuse which I’m absolutely hundred percent for I think that’s something that we need to recognize that it’s nobody else’s fault I decided that that person needs to take accountability and if they don’t take accountability then by all means just work on yourself and try and have yourself a thing that’s really really important and you also said that %HESITATION you wouldn’t change anything and and I and I get that because I wouldn’t change anything about myself with %HESITATION I hate being anxious person I wouldn’t change it because I’m the person I am today I’m able to connect with people like yourself I’m able to do the podcast and do these things but then I do sometimes think wouldn’t live to speak ahead of a lot easier if we woke up and we were grounded naturally and we wasn’t I’ve been or this is not a show you must get that feeling as well sometimes I do but then again if that was the case everybody would have it seven AM we would live in a perfect world mom and I went ahead and and that doesn’t exist I mean we we reach these milestones because of the events in our lives that bring us to that point and unfortunately not everybody gets their not everybody has the strength yes there that thing but in in all of this what’s happening around us right now in the world I mean it brought out the good in so many so many absolutely unfortunately and brought out the worst in after you but in so many people and mind you a lot of them will go back to the rack rate went down but a lot of them won’t I think it will make a profound change in a lot of people we re evaluate what important and and I think that will make a long lasting impact and and even changer so without them we have no reason to change so true which is why I wouldn’t change anything that’s happened in my life I looked up because I love the life that I have today I have an amazing partner of twenty four years now and something I’m certainly never ever expected I have a stronger relationship with my family I never really had one before because I I wouldn’t allow them in my right and it just occurred to me I I love I love waking up in the morning I can’t wait to go to bed isn’t that I can wake up in the morning because I love morning I love to see what it is going to bring a loved up I love the perspective Nancy are amazing I must be one two well I like to go in and see the fun part of the show and the fun part of the show is sixty to ninety seconds where I ask you the most random questions and I delete one word or one sentence answers only are you ready okay you’ll be fine you’re fine okay but if they’re going to go in three to one okay Nancy what is your favorite hobby work the biggest mistake you made last year I don’t make the your experience great perspective there let’s see what is your proudest achievement my book is about your favorite motivational speaker I don’t reckon Danny the best lesson anyone has ever taught you to be great if you could get the listeners to do one thing after the show what would it be returned to one person and tell them how great they are yeah absolutely absolutely if you could abolish one thing in the world what would it be children what is your favorite book other than your own I don’t read okay no problem what are you secretly good at that nobody knows connection with animals wild animals the ability to read minds or predict the future read mine the ability to fly or be invisible line let’s see what would you like to be remembered for my resilience and finally what song best describes your life oh my god I have no clue but you listen to music right yes I do can I do no problem but it’s such a mixed genre that understand yeah I’m sure it’s going to be an inspirational one %HESITATION in terms of his affairs or something that maybe you can use to to get yourself out of something changes every time because it depends which would amend a two yeah that makes sense sometimes my gym playlist is light the slowest kind of music events almost not romantic love songs but if I when I head out that’s kind of I listen to you so yeah I second that fantastic okay so that is the end of the phone by the show so as we kind of had towards that I pots that just two questions are really interested in hearing from you the first is about reflection so hindsight’s a wonderful thing upon reflected we can always think of ways to get to where we are easier with less heartache or quicker but I also believe the JD teaches us a lot something we both expressed throughout this episode to know what exactly what you know now if you could maybe go about two young Nancy maybe suffering died level of investee and whisper something into is what would you say oh my god I don’t think I could say anything to work or she wouldn’t let okay honestly it I just got one of my past and there was no changing it so would you consider yourself a stubborn child then no not at all let’s see yes very driven and what I was thinking that’s all okay okay that’s a good way of of the re framing it I’m not suddenly does actually bring us to the last question then ninety so the last question is about legacy so if a hundred fifty years time signs vows to save us both and all that exists is a book and this book is about your life it’s about everything you’ve been through all of the amazing things you’ve accomplished where the lives you touched across the road and everything that is about you thank you all want to know is what would the title of this book B. and secondly what with the summary at the back tell us about you %HESITATION Marquardt I have no clue right I I just I don’t see myself being a bigger in in a hundred years from now right I’ve never even thought that my life would make a difference %HESITATION I honestly cannot answer okay you’ve obviously seen the results and the outcome from you releasing your book I’m sure you’ve had some incredible feedback but just from this very short conversation your story definitely had a profound effect on my life and I’m sure the list is this into when obviously gained some value from it so I think sometimes a lot of us be thin crust always Monday then we think yeah it’s just me going through ME persevering three but I find strength and I find hope and inspiration and having your story so we need to think of a name maybe offline but I would definitely pick the book up in a hundred fifty years time thank you you’re welcome you’re welcome so just before I give the listeners a chance obviously connect with you I want them to know where they can find you a book where they can maybe find you if you are on social media as well is there any questions you wish I’d asked you today or anything you want to leave the audience with I’m not now K. R. I’ve really enjoyed our conversation me too I I I love connecting with people with I mean I have that opportunity thank you I’ve enjoyed it too is all as you can see by what my levels of excitement is all throughout the show and so what is the best place ninety that people could connect with you reach out to you maybe definitely read the book what else can they do in order to get in touch with you I’m on linkedin I know I can be connected there and my book life in the shadows also has a Facebook page and I can anybody can reach me your hair done tastic fantastic well I’ll do is to make everyone’s life easier is up everything in the show notes nice and easy with all the links as well so make sure you please do check that and I just extend my hand one more time thank you from the other side of what I’m so glad obvious you into much much better place thank you so much for taking time out of your day as well you’ve cheered me up I was a little bit in a slump of done to podcasts already but you’ve blijven me up I’m ready to go my rent I listen to some probably romantic music as well because I mean that kind of meat thank you so much on his he’s been not sweet pleasure and one of the things always do say as well I don’t know me say this offline is when somebody takes time out that day to come on my show to help the listeners of the show went to help the movement behind find your voice that’s part of life find your voice family so if there’s anything I can obviously do as well after the show by all means please do reach out and I’ll try my absolute best to try and help you and of course forever also hold thank you so much for listening thank you you’re one of my earth angels now and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day